The Cross
by INMH
Summary: Yet another Harry Potter/Naruto crossover. A group of young ninja are sent to Hogwarts to discreetly protect the student body the year following Voldemort’s return. Wizards, witches and toads… Oh my... Okay, yeah, that was too cliché.
1. King's Cross Station

The Cross

Rating: PG-13/T

Genre: General/Fantasy

Summary: Yet another Harry Potter/Naruto crossover. A group of young ninja are sent to Hogwarts to discreetly protect the student body the year following Voldemort's return. Wizards, witches and toads… Oh my... Okay, yeah, that was too cliché.

**_Author's Note: BIG NOTE HERE! One, this is Shippudden set. The Rookie nine are fifteen, Team Gai is sixteen, Kankuro, Sakon and Ukon are seventeen, and Temari and Kimimaro are eighteen._**

**_Two, Sasuke is in the Leaf village again. I plan to have that tie in with another story I'm writing, but I am not getting into it in this story. It would take up way too much time._**

**_Also, Kimimaro, Sakon and Ukon are alive. They are allies with the Leaf village (Which, I know, is incredibly OOC for Kimimaro. You'll live.) This I may or may not explain- pay attention, because the reason for them being alive may only be hinted at. They typically live in the Sand village with Gaara, Kankuro and Temari._**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. They belong, respectively, to Masashi Kishimoto and JK Rowling (Being the ridiculously brilliant people that they are…)

-

"Platform 9 and ¾ ."

Sakura scoffed loudly and snatched the ticket from Naruto's hand. "Christ, Naruto, the English have a different alphabet than ours, but the numbers are the same, so how do you mess this up?" She snapped, shaking her head.

"I read it right!" Naruto snapped back defensively. "It says 9 and ¾ ! Look at yours!" Sakura ripped her ticket out of her pocket and held it up.  
"I _did_ look at mine! And it said Platform 9-" She stopped, eyes fixed on the small slip of paper, blinking. Naruto grinned in a truly Cheshire Cat manner, leaning forward and blinking sweetly.

"9 _and?_" He asked. Sakura deadpanned.

"Shut up." Sasuke's head darted back and forth between the two. A fight scene like this between Sakura and Naruto was a scene that had become increasingly rare since they were twelve. They were far more amiable now, but there were always relapses to consider.

They were in a crowded London train station, people hustling this way and that, boarding and leaving trains. It was difficult to move around everyone with the large trunks they wheeled with them, and more often than not had to apologize for running over someone's foot. The trio continued down the walkway, Sasuke pausing briefly to glance at the clock on the wall. "We have ten minutes until the train leaves," He remarked.

"A'right, a'right, we can find it before then- But I don't see any 2 and ¾ or 3 and ¾ platforms here, guys…" Naruto mumbled, examining the platform numbers through squinted eyes. Sakura carefully maneuvered her trunk around a group of people before responding.

"It's a-" She stopped abruptly, then lowered her voice, "-wizard's platform, so I imagine they've arranged it so normal people wouldn't stumble onto it by accident. We should be able to get onto it, though… If we find it in time." The timing for getting onto the platform was crucial- all together, there were eighteen ninja going for the train, so it would be highly suspicious if a group of foreign kids were all grouped around one place, getting onto a platform that normal people couldn't even see.

Each group arrived to the station at 10 minute intervals that day- Sakon bitching the entire time about having to be there an hour earlier than everyone else, since he, Ukon and Kimimaro would be the first group arriving- Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura being the last ones there. It was currently 10:52; the Hogwarts Express would be leaving in eight minutes. They picked up the pace.

Eighteen ninja, all in their teenage years, were being sent to a Wizarding school. In the past June, an evil wizard had been resurrected by devious means, and was now posing a threat to the Wizarding world. The threat was increased tenfold by the fact that the Wizarding Government was denying that this wizard, named Voldemort, had returned at all. Therefore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had asked that some ninja be sent to Hogwarts to protect the students.

The relations between Wizard and Shinobi had always been rather shaky. Ninja were even more secretive of their society than wizards, and revealed their secrets to only a few outsiders. Many wizards believed that ninja were a load of murderous barbarians that would slit your throat for a nick- er, sickle. It didn't help matters when they caught wind of what the Kirigakure graduation examination used to be…

But if the Ministry of Magic wasn't going to help, then the Shinobi would have to do it. If it had been anyone but Albus Dumbledore that had requested it (not that anyone else would have), there was a good chance that Tsunade would have snorted and turned them away. In her fifty years, she had seen enough of wizards to have a low opinion of them. But Dumbledore was a kind soul, and he was one of the few wizards she had met that didn't treat ninja like dirt.

So, there they were- in London, England, about to catch a train for a magical school. It sounded crazy, but it was true. And now, Team 7 found themselves staring at a Platform 9 sign.

Not Platform 9 and ¾, but 9.

And they had six minutes left.

"So… Kakashi didn't tell us how to get on, did he?" Sasuke remarked, running a hand through his hair.

"No. He didn't."

"He is _so_ getting the Rasengan when we get back," Naruto grumbled. "Damn, we're gonna miss this, aren't-"

"No, you're not."

Naruto and Sakura yelped loudly, jumping a mile, while Sasuke remained stoic as ever. "Kimimaro. Shouldn't you be on the train?" The pale-haired teen was leaning, arms crossed, against the side of the Platform 8 barrier.

"You were cutting it close. I wanted to make sure you got on."

"You can really tell by your upbeat attitude just how much you care," Naruto chirped dryly. Kimimaro expression was entirely neutral (as it commonly was), his eyes at half-mast and speaking in a low monotone.

"Just get on the platform."

"How?" Kimimaro sighed, as though the answer was obvious. "Don't give us that! Kakashi-sensei always forgets the details!" The older boy didn't respond. Instead, he walked straight forward towards the Platform 9 barrier… And _into_ it. He simply walked through- into- the bricks. Even Sasuke's cool demeanor was broken in surprise. Naruto gaped.

"What the-?"

"Four minutes!" Sakura hissed. "Go, GO!" She practically shoved him at the barrier, and he fell through, trunk and all. They waited a moment to give him a chance to regain his bearings, then followed after the blonde. They were met with a blast of steam, and Sasuke choked slightly on it. Naruto was nearby, cursing as he hopped up and down on one foot (his trunk had fallen on it).

"So you made it!" Someone crooned. "And in the nick of time- we were worried you'd get left behind. And by we, I mean everyone other than _me_." One of the twins was grinning at them.

"Thanks, Sakon." The twin made a noise of disgust.

"I'm not Sakon, I'm Ukon! Get it right!"

"Sakon, knock it off." Kimimaro said flatly as they strode towards the train. "It lost its remote amusement after the twentieth time you tried it."

"I'm serious! I'm Ukon." Kimimaro gave the younger ninja a withering look, and he backed down. "All right, all right, you win… Geez, and I thought _you_ had no sense of humor." Sakon grunted at Sasuke as he climbed aboard. "Ah well, follow us, kiddies, you're riding with Kimi, Ukon and I."

Naruto irritated expression turned into a horrified one, and he glanced skyward. "Take me now…"


	2. Confrontation on the Train

It would've been one thing if they'd just been riding with Kimimaro and Ukon. Kimimaro was icy by default, and would probably remain silent for the majority, if not the entirety of the journey. Ukon was, compared to Sakon, the calmer of the two, and while he might be a little rowdy, he would settle down eventually. Sakon, however, was, consequently, the wilder of the twins, and his presence would hype Ukon up to a point where he wouldn't come down.

In short, it was going to be a _long_ ride.

"So!" Sakon said, plopping down in the seat and grinning deviously at the three across from him. "What should we do first? Sing? Play I SPY? Twenty questions? Or maybe riddles better suit your interests." Sasuke gave the gray-haired teen a simmering look.

"We could play a rousing game of 'Throw Sakon out the window'." He remarked coolly. 

"Weren't you guys going to sit with Gaara and his siblings?" Sakura moaned, rubbing her forehead. Sakon's eyes widened.

"Oh no, Sakura," He said. "We could never do that. Kimi gets all hot and flustered when he gets too close to Gaara-"

WHACK.

Kimimaro didn't even glance up from his book (one of the school ones) as he cuffed Sakon on the side of the head. Sakon swore loudly, but did nothing else. If it had been anyone else, he would've hit back, but you don't do that when the assailant is a guy that can spout bones at will and turn you into a giant pincushion.

"All right," Ukon said, smirking. "Singing it is, then."

Naruto slowly began to hit the back of his head against the wall.

-

"I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you-"

"KANKURO!" Temari threw down her magazine and turned on her brother, fire in her eyes. "Gods help me, I'm going to throw you out the window!" Temari was generally a pretty calm girl, but Kankuro knew exactly what buttons to push (or, in this situation, _not_ push) to send her over the edge. Gaara pointedly edged away from his brother and sister. He'd seen (and caused) bloodshed before, but even Temari's brand of it was a little too much for him.

Across from the Sand siblings, Shikamaru pressed back in his seat a little. Ino and Chouji were ignorant to just how scary Temari could be, or they would have done the same. After seeing what she had done to Tayuya, though, he was taking no chances. He only wished that he'd thought to bring a large, steel-plated shield…

It had been over an hour since the train left London, and in that time it had occurred to most of the ninja that they had no idea how long it would take to get to the school. Hell, they weren't even one-hundred percent certain what _country_ Hogwarts was in. So, naturally, those like Kankuro who were bored easily started their usual antics. Shikamaru snorted inwardly; he pitied the poor fools that got stuck with the twins…

Ino sighed and began to pick through one of the bags she'd brought with her. From it, she pulled one of the school books they'd been given (­­A Defensive Magical Theory, by Wilbert Slinkhard) and began to idly flip through it. The blonde girl cocked an eyebrow. "Funny," She said. "I don't know much about the curriculum, but I would think that Fifth year students would be a little past learning "Basics for Beginners"."

Chouji studied the page she was looking at, reading a few lines. "It looks…" He paused, looking for a word.

"Ridiculously boring?" Ino filled in dryly.

"Yeah."

"My sentiments exactly." She slammed the book shut. "I'm going to go look for billboard-brow; anybody coming with me?" Temari immediately jumped up.

"Anything to get away from him," She murmured, jerking her head at Kankuro. The two kunoichi left their compartment and strode down the hall. After about a minute, Ino stopped dead. "What?" Temari asked.

"It just occurred to me… I have no idea what compartment Sakura's in. This could take a while." Temari sighed.

"Fine. If it gets me away from my brothers for… I don't know, the whole _trip_, I'm fine with that."

-

Most of the compartments were closed off, their occupants preferring privacy, so the search for Sakura was a strained one- Particularly since there were so many damn compartments to look in. After a time (And a few instances of interrupting a few make-out sessions), Ino decided to ditch the search.

"How many kids go to this school anyway?" She snarled.

"Not that many. They probably just spread out." Temari muttered, arms crossed. "How much time do you think that burned up?"

"I'm not sure. Half an hour?" Temari shrugged.

"Either way, Sakon and Ukon probably got bored and tracked Kankuro and Kiba down to torment them. We're probably safe if we- _nngh__!_" Temari grunted as three boys went barreling down the corridor, knocking her to the side as they cackled madly about something.

"Hey!" Ino barked at them. "Watch where you're going!"

Temari cursed inwardly as the trio turned around to look at the two blondes.

"_What?_" The smallest of the three, a pale-blonde haired boy, sneered at Ino.

"You bumped into Temari; apologize!" She demanded.

"Maybe she should watch where she's standing, then," The boy sneered.

"Maybe you should watch where you're walking," Temari growled, incensed. Initially she'd thought to stay calm, but let's face it- Temari's fuse is short. The blonde boy, the apparent leader, strode up to her. His attempt at intimidation failed, though, since Temari was a good head taller than him.

"Do you _know_ who you're talking to?" Temari's eyes narrowed to slits.

"No. And I can't say I care, you rude little brat." The younger boy's glare intensified.

"I'm _Draco Malfoy_, and I'm a _prefect_, so you'll want to watch your step around me!"

"A prefect, eh? Well tell me then, Mr. Prefect- If I knock you senseless before we get to school, do I still get a demerit?" Temari snarled, looming menacingly over the smaller boy.

"No, you'll get expelled, you filthy-"

"There a problem here?"

Ah, perfect timing: Kankuro and Gaara had appeared behind the girls. The boy drew back to his two ape-like comrades, uneasy. A girl didn't intimidate him, couldn't intimidate him; But Kankuro was every bit as tall as Temari, and broad as well- He could do them some serious damage with or without a wand. With a jerk of his head, he motioned for his cronies to vacate the area.

"Hey- I asked you a question, punk!" Kankuro barked. "Were you mouthing off to her?"

"Let him go, Kankuro- He's not worth it. Just another stupid brat." Temari motioned to Ino, and the four of them moved to go back to their compartment.

"_What a bitch…_"

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Temari whipped around, looking bloodthirsty, only to see that the three younger wizards had disappeared into one of the many compartments nearby. Temari fumed furiously, fists clenched in a set of iron holds at her side. "Oh, this isn't the end of this. I'll make that snot-nosed little brat regret ever crossing me!"

Ino shivered and leaned over to Gaara. "Your sister's scary when she's angry."

"That seems to be the popular opinion."


	3. Arrival

Hogwarts was an amazing sight; hundreds of lit windows were visible as the carriages approached the castle, and they glowed brightly in the night. This was possibly the biggest place any of them had ever been in before, save for the Sound Village's base. But what was more attention grabbing at the moment was the parade of odd creatures pulling the carriages.

"What do you think they are?" Sakura whispered, leaning out the window staring at the skeletal, winged horses.

"No idea," Ukon said, grinning. "But they look _so_ cool." He whistled a little, and one of the creatures turned its head towards him. Upon seeing that it was just a strange looking human, it turned its eyes back to the road and kept pulling. Sakura cringed and shrunk back into the carriage, shivering.

"So creepy…"

After the carriages stopped, it was a short trek up to the main doors, which were wide open in anticipation of the students' arrival. The Entrance Hall was lit with torches dozens of torches that were lining the higher parts of the walls. "My eyes'll be dead by the end of this year if firelight's all we have to read by," Tenten moaned.

"Try to be positive, Tenten!" Lee chirped. "It's very-"

"Lee," Tenten cut him off in a low, dangerous voice. "If the next word out of your mouth is 'youthful' or anything relating to it, so help me, I'm going to-"

"Attention!" A woman unknowingly saved Lee from one of Tenten's patented death-threats. She had on glasses and emerald green robes, and her dark hair was pulled back into a tight bun. Her mouth was set in a tight line, giving her a strict impression. If anyone had to guess, she was one of the teachers. "Exchange students, please refrain from entering the hall and group here," The woman called, gesturing to the side of the Entrance Hall. 

"Who's the old broad?" Kiba asked, his voice rising a little higher than was wise. He was still a little steamed that he hadn't been allowed to bring Akamaru with him. It would have been one thing if his companion was still pup-sized, but now he was simply too big to bring to the school without raising suspicion. Ino elbowed the brunette sharply in the side.

"Shut up, idiot, she'll hear you!" She hissed. "If you have to say it, say it quietly!" As the ninja grouped to the side of the hall, they received some odd looks and murmurs from the other students entering the hall.

One unfortunate student (one of the last few into the hall) happened to stare at Naruto a little too long. "What're you staring at, runt?" The blonde snapped. The student, a small boy, yelped a little and dashed inside the Great Hall with his fellow classmates. He rolled his eyes, snorted and looked back to the teacher, shrinking back when he saw that she was glaring at him in disapproval.

After the last of the students had entered the hall, there was a pause. When the teacher seemed certain that no one was there, she spoke. "Welcome to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry," She said in even, measured tones. "I am Professor McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress and Transfiguration teacher."

"I knew it." Naruto murmured under his breath. "She's too stiff to be anything other than a teacher." If McGonagall heard him, she gave no indication.

"At the beginning of each term, there is a banquet to welcome new students to the school, and old students back from summer break. Before this, however, we have the Sorting for the new students." She glanced around to make sure she still had everyone's attention. "There are four houses into which you will be sorted: Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff… And Slytherin." There was the tiniest hint of bitterness in her tone upon mentioning Slytherin.

"While at Hogwarts, your House will be your family. Your academic and behavioral accomplishments will earn you points for your houses, and any rule breaking or likewise inappropriate behavior will lose points. The points are indicated by the gems in those cases over there." They turned to see four glass tubes lined up near the entrance of the hall. Red, blue, yellow and green gems representing the house colors twinkled in each case. "At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the House Cup; a great honor within the school."

McGonagall looked them all over again. "That," She said. "Is all that I believe needs to be said right now. Wait here until I return with the first year students." Her eyes narrowed a little. "Quietly, if you please." And with that, the Professor swept off. She had made absolutely no mention of their mission whatsoever, leaving them to wonder if she even knew about it at all.

"I imagine she would," Sakura whispered. "If she's the Deputy Headmistress and all, I guess she'd know about a lot that was going on in the school."

"Maybe she couldn't mention it for security reasons," Hinata whispered back. "After all, we were requested to keep quiet about why we were sent here…"

"_Stay the hell where you are!_" Everyone jumped and turned to see Temari gripping the back of Sakon's robes. He'd made a move to go over and inspect the cases near the doorway. "We are _not_ getting yelled at because you have the attention span and brain capacity of a guppy!" The sand-nin hissed. Sakon sulked a pulled himself free of the girl's grip.

"Sheesh, fine," He grumbled. "Killjoy." He added softly.

"_What was that?_"

"Nothing."

Not too long after that, they heard the sound of people coming up a side staircase. McGonagall had returned with the soon to be first-year students. They were all a bunch of scared looking eleven-year-olds, who seemed just as awed by Hogwarts as the ninja were. "Everybody, line up in twos- we'll be sorting the first years first, then the exchange students." When they had done as she'd ordered, the doors were opened, and they all marched inside.

The Great Hall was amazing; candles floated feet above the students' heads, and the ceiling had the appearance of the starry night sky outside. The windows on either side of the hall were massive, and undoubtedly when morning hit, there would be enough sunlight to completely light the hall. But no one was really concentrating on the scenery, for the hall of students had immediately broken into whispers. It was normal to see first years, but the students in the back were all so obviously older than eleven.

"Who're they?"

"They're too old to be first years."

"I've never seen them before."

"That girl had pink hair!"

"So? Two of them have white eyes- are they blind?"

"Why does that one have bandages on his forehead?"

"Why do you think that one has those funny tattoos on his cheeks?"

"Those twins behind him are wearing make-up… And that one over there's wearing eye-liner…"

"They're staring at us…" Ino murmured through clenched teeth. Hinata, for one, seemed mortified at all the attention directed at them. Also, presumably, because she'd heard that one person inquire if she and Neji were blind.

"They're staring. Why are they staring?" Sakon hissed.

"Maybe because you're wearing make-up," Kiba suggested with a snicker. Sakon blinked calmly, and then tapped Kankuro on the shoulder.

"Kankuro? Would you give Kiba this?" He whispered. Kankuro nodded. When the line stopped, he delivered a sharp kick to the back of Kiba's leg. As the Inuzuka boy gasped and grasped his leg, McGonagall moved to the front of the hall and stood next to a small stool with… A raggedy, pointed wizard's hat on it.

There was a long pause. Everyone seemed to be focused on the old hat. "Er… What are we waiting for?" Chouji murmured. Shikamaru shrugged. Then, to their utter shock, the hat perked up all on its own, and- and this was one of the stranger things they'd ever seen- began to _sing_.

(©JK Rowling)

"_In times of old when I was new  
And Hogwarts barely started  
The founders of our noble school  
Thought never to be parted:  
United by a common goal,  
They had the selfsame yearning,  
To make the world's best magic school  
And pass along their learning.  
"Together we will build and teach!"  
The four good friends decided  
And never did they dream that they  
Might someday be divided,  
For were there such friends anywhere  
As Slytherin and Gryffindor?  
Unless it was the second pair  
Of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw?  
So how could it have gone so wrong?  
How could such friendships fail?  
Why, I was there and so can tell  
The whole sad, sorry tale.  
Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those  
Whose ancestry's purest."  
Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose  
Intelligence is surest."  
Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those  
With brave deeds to their name,"  
Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot  
And treat them just the same."  
These differences caused little strife  
When first they came to light,  
For each of the four founders had  
A House in which they might  
Take only those they wanted, so,  
For instance, Slytherin  
Took only pure-blood wizards  
Of great cunning, just like him,  
And only those of sharpest mind  
Were taught by Ravenclaw  
While the bravest and the boldest  
Went to daring Gryffindor.  
Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest,  
And taught them all she knew,  
Thus the Houses and their founders  
Retained friendships firm and true.  
So Hogwarts worked in harmony  
For several happy years,  
But then discord crept among us  
Feeding on our faults and fears.  
The Houses that, like pillars four,  
Had once held up our school,  
Now turned upon each other and,  
Divided, sought to rule.  
And for a while it seemed the school  
Must meet an early end,  
What with dueling and with fighting  
And the clash of friend on friend  
And at last there came a morning  
When old Slytherin departed  
And though the fighting then died out  
He left us quite downhearted.  
And never since the founders four  
Were whittled down to three  
Have the Houses been united  
As they once were meant to be.  
And now the Sorting Hat is here  
And you all know the score:  
I sort you into Houses  
Because that is what I'm for,  
But this year I'll go further,  
Listen closely to my song:  
Though condemned I am to split you  
Still I worry that it's wrong,  
Though I must fulfill my duty  
And must quarter every year,  
Still I wonder whether sorting  
May not bring the end I fear.  
Oh, know the perils, read the signs,  
The warning history shows,  
For our Hogwarts is in danger  
From external, deadly foes  
And we must unite inside her  
Or we'll crumble from within  
I have told you, I have warned you. …  
Let the Sorting now begin._"

(©JK Rowling)

Naruto glanced around at the others as the rest of the school broke into mixed whispers and applause. Even Kimimaro looked stunned by the hat's performance. Sakon and Ukon had identical looks of shock on their faces, and Hinata looked fit to faint from surprise. Gaara's mouth was open slightly, and his raccoon eyes were widened more than usual.

At the Gryffindor table, a red-headed boy leaned over to his dark haired male friend and female brunette friend with a gleeful look on his face. "Guess they've never seen a talking hat before, eh?"

"I got a subtle message from that," Sakura whispered. "Did you guys?" She received a few nods. It seemed odd to all of them, but it appeared that the hat was trying to do what Dumbledore could not (out loud, anyway); warn the students to unite against the threat of Voldemort and his followers.

The sorting began. It seemed easy enough- they were to go up, have the hat placed on their heads, from which it would determine their house. The downside was that one: mind-reading seemed to be involved, or how else would the house determine where they should be? And two: everyone was watching. Kiba and Shino were subtly trying to calm Hinata's nerves, else she faint dead away from fear.

The first years were sorted into their houses in a matter of minutes. It ended with "Zeller, Rose," A young girl who'd been placed in Hufflepuff. Finally, it was their turn. Upon Rose moving to her table, an old man at the staff table stood up. He had a long, white beard, long white hair, half-moon glasses and a long, crooked nose. This was the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore.

"Welcome," He said, the hall remaining completely silent. "First years. And a welcome back to all of our older students. You may have noticed that there are still students that have yet to be sorted, however." He looked about, his eyes landing on the ninja, then jumping back around the hall at the young witches and wizards. "If you were here last year, you may recall the Triwizard Tournament, in which we welcomed foreign wizards and witches from France and Bulgaria.

"This year, we have extended our welcome to young witches and wizards from Japan, and they have come to our school in order to learn with the rest of you. I ask that you greet them warmly, and accept them into your houses with open arms." And so, the deception was on. No longer were they ninja from Leaf and Sand, but witches and wizards from Japan.

"Aburame, Shino."


	4. The Sorting

Shino, in his ever calm, ever precise manner, strode up to the stool just as the first years had done, and sat down. Out of all of them, he was one of the more suspicious looking of the group. He still wore his sunglasses, but instead of his high-necked jacket, he wore a scarf to cover his mouth. This was normal to his fellow ninja; however, to the students of Hogwarts, he looked weird- even frightening.

McGonagall placed the hat on his head. There was a long pause as the hat analyzed Shino's qualities, before suddenly screaming-

"RAVENCLAW!"

The hall broke into loud, albeit hesitant, applause, and McGonagall removed the hat from Shino's head. With absolutely no change in expression that anyone could see, he went over to the Ravenclaw table and sat down next to a young-looking blonde girl, who had a somewhat dreamy expression. She seemed to greet him, though the other Ravenclaws backed away a little.

"Akimichi, Chouji."

Another pause. A few seconds later-

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Chouji smiled at this, and the Gryffindors relaxed- at least this guy seemed normal. After Chouji had sat down, McGonagall glanced at the next name on the parchment she held.

"Haruno, Sakura." Sakura swallowed hard. But with a calm, cool, collected expression, she walked up to the stool and sat down. A moment, then-

"RAVENCLAW!"

She smiled- relieved that it was over- and joined Shino at the Ravenclaw table.

"Hyuuga, Hinata."

Hinata had nearly bitten through her lip in her nervousness, but she sat on the stool anyway, making a point to shut her eyes every few seconds so she wouldn't constantly see people staring at her.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Dazed, she stumbled to her seat.

"Hyuuga, Neji."

Neji was far more confident in appearance than his cousin as he was sorted. This was probably why the hat screamed-

"RAVENCLAW!"  
Tenten was up next.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

After the applause died down, it was Kiba's turn.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Good bunch of Gryffindors in this lot," Someone muttered to Naruto's right.

"Kaguya, Kimimaro."

Kimimaro's appearance was outright stony. The hat seemed to be stuck a little on him, because there was a longer pause as it thought.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Kimimaro, without any change of expression, calmly went to sit down by Hinata. She simply seemed happy that she wasn't alone.

"Lee, Rock."

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Lee grinned one of his ecstatic grins, and joined Hinata and Kimimaro at the yellow and white table. "GREETINGS, COMRADES!" He cheered loudly, attracting the stares of everyone in the hall. Tenten and Neji went bright red at their respective tables and slid down a little; Kimimaro rubbed his temples and Hinata just gave a nervous smile. When all stares were again directed back to the front, the sorting continued.

"Nara, Shikamaru."

The hat had barely touched his head when it screamed-

"RAVENCLAW!"

As Shikamaru went to sit down, the hat shot a brief glance upward at McGonagall. "IQ's off the charts, that one," It whispered. "Lazy, though."

"Sabaku, Gaara."

This decision didn't take too long.

"SLYTHERIN!"

The applause were scattered for this one, and Gaara had the vague impression (helped along by McGonagall's earlier hesitation) that Slytherin was not a well-liked house. Glancing at the banner, he saw that the house was represented by a snake.

Why did he have the feeling that Uchiha would be joining him soon?Hina

"Sabaku, Kankuro."

"SLYTHERIN!"

Again, scattered applause. "I totally feel the love," Kankuro muttered to his little brother as he sat down.

"Sabaku, Temari."

"RAVENCLAW!"

Shikamaru moaned and slammed his head on the table.

"Tsuin, Sakon."

In an event eerily similar to Shikamaru's the hat had barely touched his head when it screamed-

"SLYTHERIN!"

More scattered applause. This was foreboding- Draco Malfoy was the last person that had ever been made into a Slytherin that quickly, and everyone knew how _he_ was.

"Tsuin, Ukon."

The hat took a bit longer this time, but in the end, Ukon ended up with his brother.

"SLYTHERIN!"

It was down to Naruto, Sasuke and Ino.

"Uchiha, Sasuke."

Gaara's prediction came true in a matter of seconds.

"SLYTHERIN!"

"What a shock," Sakon muttered dryly, clapping half-heartedly.

"Uzumaki, Naruto."

This didn't take very long. Longer than Sakon and Shikamaru's, but less than Sasuke's.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Naruto grinned. Finally, there was only Ino left.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The sorting had finished, along with the first phase of their mission. They'd been divided into the houses, which would have happened even if the sorting hat hadn't done it, and would now focus on keeping the students of their houses safe. Dumbledore rose to his feet again and smiled.

"And now, a proper greeting is in order- To all of our students, old and new, welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" There were applause to this. "Now, there is a time for speech-making… But this is not it. Tuck in!" Suddenly, food magically appeared on the tables, officially starting the beginning of term feast for the school.

Naruto grinned at Chouji and Kiba. "I like this guy."

"Definitely!"

Over at the Slytherin table, the nice idea of the banquet was soon shattered for Gaara, Kankuro, Sakon, Ukon and Sasuke. Gaara saw Malfoy glaring at them from down the table (along with many other Slytherins), and subtly elbowed his brother. Kankuro looked up. "Spectacular." He muttered. Sasuke met his eyes.

"What is?" Kankuro jerked his head towards the blonde wizard.

"Him." Sakon leaned forward and looked down the row at Malfoy.

 "He looks like a chump. You know him?" Sakon asked mildly, poking lightly at some peas on his plate. "Yeah. He called Temari a bitch on the train." Sakon, Ukon and Sasuke all froze.

"And he's still _alive_?" Ukon gaped. "If I called Temari a bitch, she'd knock me into next week!"

"Yeah, well, can't say that guy wasn't far off from getting the same treatment." Kankuro muttered. "I thought she was going to throw him through the roof." Sasuke took a sip of his drink.

"I can tell he'll be an issue. He's already seemed to turn the others in the house against us." He mumbled, not taking his eyes off the blonde.

"Yeah, well, let's see if he can put up a fight. I love a challenge." Sakon snickered, smirking along with Ukon.

"The poor guy'll be writhing in mental agony by the end of the year," Kankuro murmured, shaking his head. He'd learned the hard way what it meant to be the focus of the twins when they had _those_ looks on their faces; and ten gallons of gravy, four pounds of wood-shavings, eight chickens and a flowered dress belonging to his aunt later, Kankuro was still shuddering. Their methods were effective- _disturbingly_ effective.

At the Gryffindor table, Kiba was trying to decide if it was still technically eavesdropping if the person was talking loud enough for a great deal of people to hear. "… Yes, I _have_ heard the hat give several warnings before, always at times when it detects great danger for the school. And always, of course, its advice is the same:  Stand together, be strong from within."

The speaker was a ghost. Kiba hadn't bothered asking, hadn't bothered seeking a second opinion, just settled on the idea that the translucent man with the partially severed neck was a ghost, straight-out. There were a few of them drifting around the hall, hovering above the tables and chatting with the teachers and students like it was no big deal that they were _dead_. If nothing else, this year would be interesting just for the Wizarding culture!

A red-headed boy a few spots down from where Naruto, Kiba, Chouji, Tenten and Ino were sitting said something completely unintelligible with his mouth full. "I beg your pardon?" The ghost asked calmly. The boy swallowed his food.

"How can it know if the school's in danger if it's a hat?"

"I have no idea. It lives in Dumbledore's office, so I daresay it picks up things…"

"And it wants us to get chummy with the Slytherins? Fat chance," A bespectacled, dark haired boy muttered.

"You catching all this?" Kiba muttered to Ino and Tenten (He didn't bother with Naruto and Chouji, who were obviously not in tune with the conversation). The girls nodded.

"Yeah. I wonder what's so bad about Slytherin?" Tenten muttered.

"They're all a bunch of prats, dear, that's what's wrong with them." A set of twins had appeared behind Ino, and she whipped around to face them. First guess- They were related to that other red-head who couldn't seem to chew his food properly. Second guess- and this one was just based on the looks in their eyes- they were every bit as nutty as Sakon and Ukon.

"Nightmarish little buggers. I'd steer clear of them." Kiba snorted.

"Ino won't. You _are_ still after Uchiha, right I-_no!_" He yelped as Ino placed a sharp kick into his shin.

"Really!" The brunette girl to Ino's left joined in. "This is precisely what the hat was trying to warn us all against- Division among the school! We really must make an effort to get along with our classmates this year more than ever, else-"

"All right then, Hermione," One of the ginger-haired twins cut in. "Why don't you go over to the Slytherin table and strike up a friendly conversation with Pansy Parkinson, then?"

"Or better yet, Draco Malfoy and his goons." The other chipped in.

"Can Crabbe and Goyle actually _have_ an intelligent conversation?"

"Dunno."

The girl, Hermione, rolled her eyes, but then turned to the five ninja. "Hello," She said. "I'm Hermione Granger. This is Fred and George."  She indicated to each twin as she spoke their names. They looked indignant.

"Really, Hermione, four years and you still can't tell the difference- _I'm_ Fred, _he's _George. I swear, you're worse than mum. She can never tell the difference either."

"Please!" Naruto moaned. "No 'guess which twin I am' games! I got three hours of that on the train with Sakon and Ukon." Kiba howled with laughter.

"You got stuck sitting with them? Tough break!" He cackled.

"The twins that were sorted into Slytherin?" The dark-haired boy asked. Naruto nodded, rubbing his head.

"Yes. Three hours of them driving Sakura, Sasuke and I nuts!"

"Where was Kimimaro?" Asked Chouji. "Name's Chouji, by the way." He added to the witch and wizards.

"Oh, he was there. But he's known them longer. He knows how to tune them out." He waved a hand at Hermione, the twins and the other boy. "Naruto Uzumaki."

"Ino. This is Tenten, and this sack of idiocy is Kiba."

"Why is everyone picking on me tonight?!"


	5. Professor Umbridge

Dumbledore must have earned a great deal of respect from his students over the years in the same way that he'd earned Tsunade's trust, because when he stood up again at the end of the feast every person in that hall fell totally silent.

"Well!" He said cheerfully, smiling widely at his students. "Now that we are all digesting another magnificent feast, I beg a few moments of your attention for the usual start-of-term notices: New students ought to know that the forest on the grounds is strictly off-limits to students- And a few of our elder ones should know that by now as well." The kindly headmaster sent a knowing stare around the hall.

"Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me, for what he tells me is the four-hundred and sixty-second time, to remind you all that magic is prohibited in the corridors between classes; nor are a number of other things, the likes of which are named on a list tacked to Mr. Filch's office door.

"We have two changes in staffing this year. We are very pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking the Care of Magical Creatures position; And I am delighted to introduce Professor Umbridge, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

There!

Sakura immediately had the woman pegged. In their briefing of the mission, Tsunade had specifically mentioned that they should watch out for this Umbridge woman. Tsunade had briefly encountered the woman before, and said that if there was any person in that school that they did NOT want knowing that they were ninja, it was Delores Umbridge. She was a ministry lackey, and highly prejudiced.

She was also rude and controlling- A trait she made very clear a moment later.

"Tryouts for the House Quidditch teams will take place on the-"

"_Hem,_ _hem._"

Naruto heard it. Sasuke heard it. Kiba heard it. Kimimaro heard it. Gaara heard it. Sakon and Ukon heard it. No one else in the hall did. Only when Dumbledore had stopped talking and the noise occurred again did everyone realize that Umbridge had gotten to her feet and was intending to make a speech. Just stood up (Though she was so short it was unapparent) and interrupted the headmaster while he was giving out important notices.

Apparently, teachers didn't often interrupt Dumbledore when he was giving a speech, because just about everyone in the hall looked quietly taken aback. But Dumbledore just sat down as smartly as you please and looked intently at Umbridge, waiting for her to speak.

"Thank you, Headmaster," She began in a high, simpering voice. "For those kind words of welcome."

_That voice,_ Sakon thought, teeth clenched, _Is going to be like nails on a chalkboard all… damn… year for me…_

"Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say!" She smiled. Naruto shivered; her teeth were as pointed as that shark-man that hung around with Sasuke's brother. "And what a joy it is to see such happy little faces looking back at me. I am very much looking forward to getting to know you all, and I'm sure we'll all be very good friends!"

"I sincerely doubt it." Kimimaro mumbled.

"What are we? Fricking five?" Ukon hissed just a touch too loudly.

"Keep. Your. Voice. Down." Kankuro grunted under his breath.

"This woman nauseates me," Temari growled.

"Likewise." Neji muttered back.

"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. The rare gifts with which you have been born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the Wizarding community must-" (It should be made clear that, at this point in the speech, almost no one in the hall was listening to a word Umbridge was saying) "-be passed down through the generations lest we lose them forever.

"The treasure trove of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors must be guarded-" Here, Sakura, Neji and Gaara (The only Shinobi who were still listening) tensed. For the briefest, coldest moment, they were worried that Umbridge may have suspected their true origins. This was not the case, however, and that was made clear quickly as she continued. "-replenished and polished by those who have been called to the noble profession of teaching."

Umbridge gave a little bow to her colleagues, all of whom bore an expression of extreme distaste as they regarded her. Professor McGonagall in particular seemed to deal the iciest glare to the small woman.

"What the hell is this freak talking about?" Naruto muttered, not even half paying attention to what was being said.

"I have no bloody idea, mate," The red-headed boy from earlier moaned. "I just wish she'd shut up already."

"Every headmaster and headmistress of Hogwarts has brought something new to the weighty task of governing this historic school, and that is as it should be, for without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for progress' sake must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering."

Sakura exchanged a dark look with Neji, leaning forward. "You think she's referring to…" Sakura gave a slight indication to Dumbledore. Neji nodded gravely.

"The ministry must have placed her here specifically to hinder any of Dumbledore's attempts at telling the students that Voldemort has returned." He was careful to speak at the lowest volume he could, also keeping a careful eye out to make sure none of the young witches or wizards around them were eavesdropping.

"… Some changes will be for the better, while others will come, in the fullness of time, to be recognized as errors of judgment." Sakura and Neji exchanged irritated looks with one another before glaring up at Umbridge again. "Meanwhile, some old habits will be retained, and rightly so, whereas others, outmoded and outworn, must be abandoned."

The look the two exchanged now was shocked. If Sakura and Neji were interpreting the speech correctly (And since they had been put into Ravenclaw for good reason, they probably were), Umbridge and the ministry were going to try and overthrow Dumbledore! "I've seen people go to extremes in the name of denial before, but this is insane!" Neji hissed.

"Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness, and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what deserves to be perfected and pruning practices that ought to be prohibited."

And just like that, she was done.

"Thank you, Professor Umbridge," Dumbledore said, applauding as though he'd just heard the best speech in his life. "That was most illuminating."

"Illuminating indeed," Hermione mumbled, eyes narrowed.

"You enjoyed that?" Tenten asked, surprised.

"I said illuminating, not enjoyable. It explained a lot."

"Did it?" The dark-haired boy muttered. "Sounded like a load of waffle to me."

"Well, there were important things inside that waffle." Hermione's voice was grim.

"Like?" Naruto asked, glazed.

"I didn't understand a word of it," The red-head muttered. "What'd it mean?"

"It means the ministry is interfering at Hogwarts!"

Ah, so not all of the students were oblivious to the conspiracy. Good. Maybe this wouldn't be as difficult as mission as they'd first assumed. If at least some of them knew that something was up and at least suspected that Voldemort was back, then maybe they'd take a few less risks that year that the ninja would need to protect them from.

-

Sasuke and the twins had brief, mildly hysterical panic attacks when they realized that they would be spending the next ten months in a dungeon. Mind you, this was a direct flashback to Orochimaru's shadowy lair in Otogakure, a place none of his former subordinates ever wanted to think of again.

"Great. Spectacular. This must be at least part of the reason why everyone in our house is so cheery." Kankuro muttered, shooting a side-wards glance at a couple of boys that were giving him the evil eye.

"You should've worn your face-paint; That would've scared them into politeness," Sakon snickered, slumped casually in one of the armchairs in the common room. Sasuke looked to him impassively.

"Yeah, like looking at your ugly mug isn't agonizing enough." Kankuro snorted. Sasuke's eyes flipped to Kankuro.

"Hey! I resent that!" Ukon snapped, arms folded on the back of Sakon's chair. "You say Sakon's ugly, you're automatically implying that I'm ugly too!" Kankuro sighed as Sasuke's gaze flipped between them both.

"I'm sorry, Ukon. I didn't mean to _imply_ that you were ugly, I meant to say it straight out!"

"Look who's talking, you gothic version of 'Hello Kitty'-"

"Enough!" Gaara hissed sharply. His brother and the twins fell silent, and Sasuke's eyes tore away from the demented tennis-match to land on the Kazekage. "We have a job to accomplish, if you've forgotten."

"Please," Sakon snorted. "This- What's his name- dark wizard guy has a thing for snakes just like dear old Oro, right? These Slytherin kids are probably the only group in the school he doesn't plan on blowing to Kingdom Come, so I say we just-"

"Well, well, well," Oh, goodie. Blondie was back. "Look who's here." The twins straightened up, Sakon standing. It seemed that, in school with many other cronies AND teachers backing him up, he had no trouble confronting Kankuro.

"I don't care what you saw on that little expedition of yours, Uchiha," Kankuro growled, never taking his eyes off Malfoy. "There _is _no god, or we wouldn't be in the same house as this chump." Ukon smirked at Malfoy.

"Kankuro here tells me you're the whack-job that picked a fight with Temari." He snorted. "Congratulations on making it out with all your limbs and vital organs in tact."

"Eh, don't congratulate him yet. Temari's wrath is the wrath of hell." Sakon added, his expression mirroring his brother's.

"I thought I'd warn you now, _trash_," Malfoy sneered loudly, drawing the eager attention of all the other Slytherins in the room. "That we have a certain way of going about business around here; Learn it and there won't be any problems." Something- Anger, most likely- flashed behind Sasuke's eyes. He came up to Malfoy slowly, an odd look behind his eyes, and the eyes of the twins lit up; Sasuke was pissed.

"You threatening us?" He asked in a low, deadly voice, eyes flashing once more. Kankuro and Gaara exchanged brief, panicked looks.

"Ah… Easy, Sasuke, easy…" The older boy murmured uneasily. "He's just an idiot…" Malfoy shot him an ugly look as the surrounding Slytherins watched on in shock. No good ever came for the fools that took on Malfoy.

"How _dare_ you call me an idiot, you-"

"Because that's clearly what you are, brat," Sasuke snarled. Gaara slowly inched up behind the Uchiha and put his hand on the dark haired boy's shoulder.

"Sasuke-"

"You think you know what you're dealing with? Just _try_ and take me on, and we'll see who comes out in one piece-"

"Sasuke!"

It was the loudest they'd heard Gaara speak in a while. He was right in doing so, however, seeing as how if Sasuke didn't cool down, he was likely to unconsciously activate the Sharingan (And lord only knows how quickly everyone in the school would hear about the 'foreigner and his freaky red eyes').

Sasuke glared at Malfoy a moment more… Then stepped back. "Sorry." He muttered it to Gaara. "Short fuse."

"_What_ fuse?" Ukon whispered to his twin.

"Freaks!" Malfoy snapped. "The lot of you, freaks! I'm going to make your lives miserable this year; Count on it!" Sakon feigned a disinterested yawn, rubbing his eyes.

"Got it, blondie. We'll be waiting. Let's hit the hay." Gaara lingered a moment.

"And… Malfoy, is it?"

"What?" Gaara moved with sudden, precise speed, maneuvering himself barely an inch from Malfoy.

"If you ever call my sister a bitch again," Gaara whispered, voice even, "You'll quickly come to rue the fact that we share a room."

If Malfoy thought Kankuro was frightening, he didn't know the half of what Gaara could do…


	6. Day 1

Kankuro elbowed Sakon sharply.

"Sakon, pick up your damn head and quit snoring. It was bad enough listening to it in the night, and it's not any better now!" Sakon's nose wrinkled and he merely turned away from the puppet-master, readjusting his head to rest on his arms. "Damn, Ukon, how have you put up with this for so many years?"

Ukon shrugged. "I learned to tune it out."

Over at the Gryffindor table, Naruto was examining his schedule with narrowed eyes. "History of Magic? What's that?"

"Dear _God_, Naruto- The class has the most straightforward name and you can't figure it out!" Tenten sighed.

"Don't give me that! My brain isn't awake yet!" The jinchuuriki moaned.

"Your brain is never awake!" Ino snorted.

"Didn't you have a History class back where you come from?" A girl named Parvati Patil asked curiously.

"Of course!" Tenten laughed nervously. "It's just, ah… We didn't call it History of Magic! No…"

"What did you call it?" Tenten froze.

"Ah… Well, we called it… Social… Studies of the… Historic Wizarding Community…" She stuttered, flashing a grin at them. Kiba and Chouji exchanged bemused looks. Parvati and her friend Lavender Brown exchanged odd looks, but seemed to accept this explanation.

"Sounds like an overly-complicated name…" Lavender said.

"Isn't it, though? I wonder who came up with it?" Kiba said with convincing thoughtfulness. As soon as Lavender's back was turned, Tenten whacked the back of his head with her Divination book.

At the Hufflepuff table: Hinata sat down next to Lee and Kimimaro, the former of whom seemed to be talking the latter of whom to a slow second death. "Good morning," She said softly. Lee whipped around, grinning.

"Good morning, Hinata! Isn't it a lovely morning?"

"Just say yes," Kimimaro muttered. "It's just not worth it to point out that it's raining."

Without warning, a slew of owls flew in through a window up on high, swooping down over the house tables. Hinata let out a little yelp, covering her head and ducking down as best she could.

"Relax!" A girl named Hannah Abbot cried. "It's only mail!"

"Owls carry your mail?" Lee asked, blinking.

"Yes- Who carries yours?"

"Mail runners, mainly," Lee said. "Though we sometimes use hawks and falcons."

"Seems impractical," Kimimaro murmured to himself. "Wouldn't they only be able to fly at night?"

At the Ravenclaw table, Sakura was clutching a letter in her hand that had been delivered by a messenger falcon. She scanned over the lines (All in kanji) a few times. Then she swiftly spun in her seat to face the Slytherin table. "Sasuke!"

Her dark-haired comrade eyed her sleepily. "What?"

"Go get Naruto and meet me at the door to the hall. Kakashi-sensei's sent us a letter." Sasuke sighed, then languidly slid out of his seat and strode over to the Gryffindor table where Ron Weasley was educating Naruto, Kiba and Chouji as to the dreads of the Potions, Divination and History of Magic classes.

"Hey- Naruto." His appearance was a surprise to the Gryffindors, and a few of them looked at him with disdain. "Sakura wants a talk. Let's go." Naruto groaned.

"What? What did I do now?"

"Nothing, idiot. Kakashi sent us a letter. Move it." His voice held little to no emotion. This was typical to those who knew Sasuke, but to the Hogwarts students, it implied a distinct attitude that they found undesirable. As he and Naruto went off to speak with Sakura, a boy named Dean Thomas blinked.

"Well, that was weird…"

"What?" Ino asked. "Sasuke? He's always like that, don't mind him."

"He means that it's unusual for Slytherins to come over here. Well," Harry Potter muttered, shooting a dark look at Draco Malfoy, "Odd for them to come over and do something other than be rude."

"I take it relations between Slytherin and Gryffindor are strained?" Tenten asked. Harry and Ron snorted.

"Strained is one way of putting it."

"Savage and blood-thirsty are also good." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"That's because no one _tries_ to make anything better!" She sighed irritably. "We're supposed to-"

"Hermione, please!" Ron groaned. "No lectures this early in the morning!"

"Are they friends?" Harry asked. "Naruto and Sasuke?" Chouji shrugged.

"I guess," He said. "They're teammates, anyway. Sakura said they're best friends, but I think that's a bit of a stretch…" Ino had been about to kick Chouji in the shin- they were supposed to shy away from terms such as 'teammates' that might indicate anything other than normal magical upbringing- but Ron snorted.

"They're best friends? Weird. Slytherins and Gryffindors don't usually mix. We're put in houses based on characteristics, and those two usually end up pushing each other apart."

"They're completely different!" Ino laughed. "Naruto's an endless ball of energy, and Sasuke-"

"-Is the guy you're hot over. OUCH!"

"You're supposed to wait until she's out of reach, mate."

-

"What's up, Sakura?"

Sakura pointedly held up the letter from their teacher. She glanced around surreptitiously, then motioned for the boys to come closer. "_'Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke- Hope you got on the train all right-'_"

"We almost _didn't_ thanks to him-"

"Shush! _'-Though if you hadn't, you probably wouldn't be reading this, and you'd be back in Konoha chewing me out for not telling you how to get onto the platform in the first place-'_"

"What the hell- HE DIDN'T TELL US ON PURPOSE?"

"Shut up, idiot!" Sasuke glanced at a couple of Ravenclaw second years who were giving them frightened looks.

"_'-Undoubtedly, you're all furious with me for that, but I was hoping to test your wits. Odds are, you ended up being helped on by Kimimaro or something.'_"

At this, the three ninja shared odd looks with one another. "How did he…?" Sakura trailed off. Sasuke shook his head, eyes wide.

"I stopped trying to understand after the first few days with him." He muttered. Blinking and trying to refocus, Sakura returned to the letter.

"_'We have new intelligence conveyed to us via a secret organization dedicated to fighting Lord Voldemort. Apparently, this Umbridge woman that's been hired for Defense Against the Dark Arts is some sort of pawn of the Ministry of Magic to silence Headmaster Dumbledore and one Harry Potter. I believe he's in your year.'_" Sakura looked up. "I knew it! Neji and I figured out from her speech that she was going to be interfering here!"

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged brief, light looks. "You listened to that?" They chorused. Sakura shook her head and sighed.

"Naruto, I expected that from you, but Sasuke?" She clucked her tongue. "Anyway- '_I would advise you and the others to steer clear of the woman whenever possible, and try to stay on her good side. We hear she isn't someone you'll want angry with you. Tsunade wants you all to remind the others to be on their best behavior; She would also like to remind you all that if any of you are expelled for poor behavior, she'll have your heads mounted on the wall of her office.'_" Naruto snorted.

"Sounds like Granny."

"'_Missing you already-'_"

"-My ass-"

"_'Kakashi-sensei.__ PS- A couple of people have volunteered to join our side. Tell you about it when you get back.'_"

Naruto cocked an eyebrow at this. "When we get back in a year? Must involve someone unpleasant."

"Someone that we know," Sakura added. "Or he probably would've mentioned the names in the letter."

"Who do we dislike that would come to our side? Akatsuki?" Sasuke snorted at Sakura's guess.

"Yeah. When hell freezes over." There was an undercurrent of harshness and bitterness in his voice. They were edging ever-dangerously close to the taboo subject of Sasuke's brother.

"Wouldn't it be funny if it _was_ Akatsuki?" Naruto mumbled to Sakura as they started off for their classes.

"Like they'd last fifteen minutes with Sasuke around!"

-

History of Magic was every bit as ridiculously boring as Ron had warned them. It was taught by a ghost named Binns- Professor Binns. From the moment they began the lesson until the (blessed) end of the class an hour later, he simply droned… And droned… And droned… And droned… And _droned_…

Hermione was the only one taking notes. Naruto thought she was amazing merely because she kept her eyes open the whole time. He, on the other hand, along with the rest of the class, caught up on some much-needed sleep.

Potions… Dear Gods, was that was a dreadful subject in and of itself…

The teacher, Professor Snape, was a highly unsavory character. He blatantly preferred the Slytherins over the Gryffindors, even when Malfoy and his goons produced possibly the worst example of the given potion known to mankind. The classes this year were supposed to prepare them for some sort of exam in June (O.W.L.S- Ordinary Wizarding Levels).

"Hey, Ron," Kiba muttered. "You know that thing your brothers were trying to peddle this morning? That nosebleed thing?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll take it. I don't care if they can't stop the bleeding. It's better than this."

"There is no talking, Mr. Inazuka. Be silent- next time, I will mark your grade as a zero." Snape said, eyeing Kiba with distaste. Kiba bit his tongue, though he greatly wanted to snap at the man that his name was 'Inuzuka'.

At the end of the class, Snape stopped directly in front of Harry's cauldron. "You'll get used to this- He loves picking on Harry." Ron growled.

"Tell me, Potter, can you read?" Malfoy snickered at the other side of the classroom. However, his laughter quickly turned to curses as Sasuke 'accidentally' bumped the blonde's desk, sending some of his own wrecked potion sloshing onto him.

"Yes, sir. I can read." Harry's answer was a few, close steps from sounding greatly irritated. Snape proceeded to point out, in front of the whole class, that Harry had hopelessly ruined his potion, and would receive a mark of zero for the work; Even when Gregory Goyle's potion burned clean through its flagon and set his robes on fire.

"What an ass!" Ino snarled as they headed up the stairs. "Does the Headmaster know what a jerk he is?"

"Oh, he knows. It's not like Snape hides it." Ron grumbled. "Used to be a Death Eater, that one. Don't know why Dumbledore trusts him."

Death Eaters- Naruto had to think for a moment before remembering that they were Voldemort's followers. They were, as the reports told, frightening figures in hoods and masks, with tattoos of a skull and a snake on their forearms. Tsunade had warned them that aiding Dumbledore would mean the possibility of dealing with these people; Possibly even when the mission was over, if Voldemort sought an alliance with Orochimaru.

Divination was as odd as you could get. Harry said that, in their third year (Their first year of Divination), Professor Trelawney had spent the better part of the year predicting Harry's impending doom (As, according to Professor McGonagall, she did every year). She had let up recently, but the subject matter was still sort of dreamy and unrealistic.

Today, they were to read on dream interpretation and then interpret their most recent dreams. "What do you dream about?" Chouji asked Naruto dully.

"Sakura beating me to a pulp for peeping. You?" Chouji blushed.

"Nothing."

"Liar! Come on, tell me!" Chouji sighed, then made a face.

"Ayame, all right?" Naruto gaped at him.

"You have a thing for Ayame? _Ichiraku_ Ayame?" Naruto let out a laugh. Chouji blushed a dark, beet-red color.

"Shut up!"

The bell rang, and everyone slammed their books shut and made for the door as quickly as possible. "That was boring!" Ino huffed. "I'd prefer a lecture!" In reality, she would much rather have preferred any class that would involve using their wands. They had a lot of basic spells and charms that they were supposed to be practicing in their spare time, and many of them were looking forward to the wand work.

"This schedule," Ron said, waving the paper in front of her face, "Is what we calling _horrifying_, Ino. We've been here long enough to recognize that this layout for the day is nightmarish. And now we have double Defense Against the Dark Arts with that Umbridge woman. _And_, to make it even better, it's with the Slytherins again!"

"It wouldn't be so bad if Lupin was still teaching here." Harry sighed. "Or Mad-Eye." He stopped. "Well. The _real_ Mad-Eye, anyway. But Umbridge… She looks…"

"Evil?" Ino quipped.

"Sums it up, I think."


	7. The Class that Went to Hell

Their assumption of Umbridge's personality had been dead-on.

She was the worst type of evil- the type that tried to pass themselves off as sweet.

"Well, good afternoon!" She chirped to the class, blinking with all the sickeningly sugar-sweetness she was capable of.

"Hi."

"Afternoon."

"Good afternoon."

What few responses she received were mumbled.

"Tut, tut," Umbridge said. "_That _won't do, now will it? I should like you to reply, please, 'Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge'. One more time, please. Good afternoon, class!"

"Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge," The class chanted back in a perfect drone. Naruto noticed across the room that Gaara and Sasuke had flat out refused to speak. He'd _kill_ to see her trying to get Kimimaro or the twins to reply back to her.

"There, now! That wasn't too difficult, was it?"

_Yes, as a matter of fact, it was…_ Tenten couldn't resist the flippant remark in her mind. She already had a bad feeling about this class, and it was only the first day.

"Wands away, quills out, please."

Classes that began with that phrase must never have been fun ones, because many of the students looked ready to groan. However, not wishing to hear another sugary-sweet rebuttal from Umbridge, they restrained themselves and obeyed the order without a peep. Umbridge withdrew her own wand from her bag and tapped the blackboard with it. Across the board appeared the words:

"**Defense Against the Dark Arts: A Return to Basic Principles**".

"Well now, your teaching in this subject has been rather fragmented over the years, hasn't it?" Umbridge giggled. "So many teachers, and all of whom seemed to stray from a Ministry-approved curriculum. You're all far behind what we would expect you to show in your fifth years. As a result, we will be following a structured, theory-centric, Ministry-approved course this year."

"**Theory-centric?**" Sasuke scribbled on a piece of parchment to Gaara. Gaara carefully, without taking his eyes from the blackboard, slid the paper over to his side of the desk.

"**I believe it means we won't actually be practicing anything we talk about. It sounds pointless.**" He responded. Umbridge had put the course-aims on the board for them to copy, so his response went unnoticed.

"**Beyond pointless. It's 'Defense Against the Dark Arts'- What's the point of learning it if we don't get to use it or get the hang of it?**"

After three minutes or so of note-copying, Umbridge grinned her sickening grin at the class again. "Does everyone have a copy of 'A Defensive Magical Theory' by Wilbert Slinkhard?" A few people in the room muttered affirmative words. Naruto knew what would happen the moment the general murmurings began. "I think we'll try that again; When I ask you a question, I should like you to reply 'Yes, Professor Umbridge' or 'No, Professor Umbridge. So, again- Does everyone have a copy of 'A Defensive Magical Theory' by Wilbert Slinkhard?"

"Yes, Professor Umbridge."

"Kill me now, Professor Umbridge," Kiba sneered under his breath. Chouji snickered next to him.

"Good! Please turn to page five and read chapter one, 'Basics for Beginners'. There will be no need to talk."

The book was _dull._ No two ways around it. Dull as a frigging _doornail_. Naruto would rather have been doing D-Rank missions back in Konoha than trying to process the words on the page. He ended up reading the first line seven times before moving to the next one. He had a mind to write a note to Kiba and Chouji (Whom were seated behind him and Hermione), but Umbridge's beady eyes were sweeping over them constantly as she walked up and down the aisles.

After a moment, Naruto noticed something. Hermione was not reading. At first, he deduced that she had already finished the reading (She was like Sakura- Brainy- And was probably just as capable of finishing a reading assignment with frightening speed), but when he saw her right hand in the air and her left arm folded over the book, he got the feeling that she hadn't even opened it when assigned to.

Naruto wasn't the only one who'd noticed. After about ten minutes of total silence, everyone had noticed Hermione's lone hand. It seemed that Umbridge had been ignoring her for the better part of the last several minutes, but when she saw that everyone was focused on Hermione, she pasted on another smile and addressed the brunette girl.

"Did you have a question on the chapter, dear?" She asked.

"Not on the reading, no," Hermione stated clearly.

"Well, we're all on the book at the moment, dear, so I should like you to hold any of your other questions until the end of the class."

"It's a question about your course aims." Umbridge seemed to accept this, and didn't quite noticed when Naruto mouthed 'What are you doing?' at Hermione. She didn't answer, didn't look at him.

"And you are…?"

"Hermione Granger."

"Well, Miss Granger, I think if you read the course aims over again, you'll find that they're quite clear."

"I have read them over. But I haven't seen anything in them about _using_ defensive spells."

_Ding_. _Give the girl a cookie._ Sasuke thought dryly as many people turned to re-examine the course aims. But Umbridge gave a tittering laugh.

"I can't imagine a situation arising in my classroom that would give you need to use a defensive spell. You surely aren't expecting to be attacked during class, are you Miss Granger?"

"We're not using magic?" Ron yelled.

"Students will raise their hands in my class, Mr.-"

"Weasley." Ron put his hand into the air, but Umbridge smiled and turned her back on him. However, now Hermione and Harry's hands were raised. Naruto moved to raise his hand as well, a frown on his face, but Tenten threw some sort of small doodad at the back of his head. When he turned to face her and Ino (Placed behind Kiba and Chouji), the two kunoichi made slashing motions across their throats.

This mission was a secret. All they had to do was protect the students from possible attack all year, and to do it without being identified as ninja. Drawing any unneeded attention to themselves would be unwise.

Umbridge glanced at Harry, but then addressed Hermione again.

"Did you have something else, Miss Granger?"

"Yes, Professor. Surely the point of Defense Against the Dark Arts is to practice Defensive Spells?"

"Are you a Ministry-trained educational expert, Miss Granger?"

There was something to be said about this woman's love for the Ministry.

Naruto was certain that he'd hear the twins making cracks about it later.

"… No, but-"

"Then I hardly think that you are one to decide what the point of my class is. Wizards of much wiser minds than yours have made the approved curriculum, and you will be learning defensive spells in a safe, secure, risk-free way-"

"'_Risk-free_?'" Sasuke blurted out before he could stop himself. "_Defensive_ spells in a _risk-free_ way?"

"_Hand_, Mr.-?"

"Uchiha." Sasuke didn't bother to speak further, knowing that raising his hand would be pointless (She would only turn away). He simmered, though, at the deepening idiocy of the situation. "This is an insult to everyone's intelligence," He hissed to Gaara. "'Defensive spells in a safe, secure-' God!"

Gaara nodded. "They should have thought about seriously convincing the older students about this. They can't honestly think everyone here is idiotic enough to buy this drivel without question." Sasuke sent a leery glance at Malfoy, sitting ahead of him, who looked gleeful.

"Maybe a few," He murmured.

"And your name is, dear?"

Other students had raised their hands now as well; Mainly, the Gryffindor side. The Slytherins didn't seem to care one way or another about what they were supposed to learn (As Sakon had suggested, they probably didn't have to worry about defending themselves from Death Eaters…), and they took in pleasure from seeing Hermione being rebuked.

"Dean Thomas. It's like what he said-" He tilted his head towards Sasuke. "If we're going to be attacked, it won't be risk free."

"Do you expect to be attacked during my class?"

"No, but-"

"I do not wish to criticize the way things have been run in this school-"

"My ass," Kiba grunted.

"-But you have been exposed to some very irresponsible wizards in this class, very irresponsible indeed. Not to mention," She gave a cruel little laugh here, "Dangerous half-breeds."

"And the bigotry makes itself known. We've really hit the jackpot, haven't we Kiba?" Chouji growled.

"How could Dumbledore hire this woman? He looks nice!" Kiba muttered.

"If you mean Professor Lupin, he was the best we ever had!" Dean snapped angrily.

"Hand, Mr. Thomas! As I was saying, you have been exposed to complex spells inappropriate to your age group, and potentially lethal. You have been frightened into believing that you could be subjected to dark attacks every other day-"

"No we haven't!" Hermione protested.

"_Your hand is not up, Miss Granger!_" Hermione clenched her jaw and put up her hand, and Umbridge just turned away from her.

"It is my understanding that my predecessor not only performed illegal curses in front of you, but _on_ you-"

"Yeah, well, he turned out to be an escaped lunatic, now didn't he?" Dean interjected.

"_Your hand is not up, Mr. Thomas!_"

Umbridge's voice was strained in an attempt to keep her patience. If she thought this was bad, then she wouldn't know what hit her if this argument was brought up when she had Sakon and Ukon. They _lived_ to see how quickly they could make someone scream at them, and they could deal with whatever chewing-out they received from Gaara (Though, he would probably leave the punishment to Temari, who tended to think up much more effective treatments…)

"Now…" Calmer, Umbridge continued. "It is the view of the Ministry that a theoretical knowledge will be more than sufficient to get you through your examination, which, after all, is what school is all about. A question, Miss…?"

"Patil. Parvati Patil. And isn't there a practical section on our examinations? Aren't we supposed to be able to show that we can do the counter-curses and other things?"

"If you study the theory hard enough, There is no reason whatsoever to suggest that you won't be able to perform the spells perfectly during the exam, Miss Patil."

"But we'll never get to practice?"

_Oh, Lord, Lee will have a heart-attack,_ Naruto moaned inwardly.

"I repeat- As long as you have studied the theory hard enough-"

"And what good will _theory_ be in the real world?" Harry barked suddenly, his shaking fist in the air. Umbridge eyed him.

"This is school, Mr. Potter. Not the real world."

"But isn't that what you're supposed to be preparing us for?" Naruto snapped.

"For the last time, _hand_, Mr.-"

"Uzumaki!"

"But he's right! How does theory prepare us for what's waiting out there?" Harry continued.

"There is nothing waiting out there, Mr. Potter. Who do you imagine would want to attack children such as yourselves?" Harry adopted a mockingly thoughtful expression.

"Hmm… Oh, I don't know, Lord Voldemort maybe?"

…

…

There was a dead silence. Everyone in the class stared at Harry- Many in horror.

Umbridge broke the silence first. She was not smiling.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter." Umbridge looked around at her students with an odd look in her eyes. "I want to make something quite plain to you all," She whispered. "You have been told that a certain Dark Wizard has returned. This… Is… A… Lie."

"It's not a lie! I saw him, I fought him!" Harry protested furiously.

"Detention, Mr. Potter. My office, tomorrow at five o' clock." Umbridge said softly, showing no trace of anger. "This is a lie. The Ministry of Magic guarantees that you are in no danger from any dark and dangerous forces. If you are frightened about this, come speak to me. If someone is spreading lies about any Dark Wizards returning, please tell me. I am here to help. Now please return to your reading."

Harry stood up.

"Harry, _no!_" Hermione hissed, trying to grab the back of his robes and pull him down again. Harry would not be moved.

"So according to you and the Ministry, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord, did he?" The dead silence was back.

Cedric Diggory… Cedric Diggory…

The name rung a bell. It obviously meant more to the Hogwarts students than it did to Naruto and the other Shinobi. It had been mentioned in their briefing of the mission that a young man had been killed by Voldemort upon his return, and now that Naruto heard the situation and the name used in conjunction with one another, he made the connection. Diggory's death was really some of the hard evidence that something was wrong.

Umbridge did not look pleased at all.

"Cedric Diggory's death," She said in her quietest voice, "Was a tragic accident."

"It was murder and you know it!"

For a moment, everyone waited with bated breath. They all expected Umbridge to do something extreme, like curse him or shriek at him. Instead, however, she turned on her heel and strode up to her desk, sitting down and pulling out a piece of pink parchment paper. "Come here, Mr. Potter, dear. I want you to take this to Professor McGonagall."

Naruto could keep silent no longer.

"So you're going to punish him for saying what could very well be the truth? What was the _accident_ that led to that kid's death anyways?"

"Idiot!" Ino hissed. "Shut up!" Sasuke slapped a hand over his eyes.

Too late. Umbridge looked up from the note she was writing, quill frozen in what seemed to be mid-word. She met Naruto's burning glare with a cool, calm look.

"You have no evidence that the Dark Wizard in question has returned, Mr. Uzumaki."

"And where's your evidence that he hasn't?" Umbridge's smile was a far cry from the grin it had once been. Ino buried her face in her hands, shaking her head.

"I believe you can join Mr. Potter, Mr. Uzumaki."

Naruto stood up, hands clenched at his sides, and joined Harry at Umbridge's desk. He was in for it, and he knew it; When Sakura found out, she would beat him senseless. And then, when Tsunade found out, she would probably come down to Hogwarts personally to chew him out and then, in turn, beat him senseless. Getting into trouble on the first day of what was supposed to be an important, covert protection mission…

He was _dead_.


	8. Everyone Hates Umbridge

"That bitch!"

Naruto was fuming as he and Harry made their way to Professor McGonagall's office. Naruto ended up stopping short and turning around a couple of times, having to follow Harry because he himself did not know the way to their Head of House's office. "Geez, I wonder which Ministry Official is in charge of keeping their hand up her ass and giving her all that crap to spew out!"

"Fudge, most likely."

"Fudge? What's fudge got to- Oh. Right. Minister of Magic." Naruto mumbled, shaking his head. Harry sighed.

"Thanks for backing me up in there," He mumbled, tightening and retightening his ironclad hold on the note. "You really believe me?"

"Yeah. Why would you lie?" Naruto snorted, jamming his hands in his pockets. "Besides- She's so obviously a puppet of the Ministry. I mean, it was every other word out of her mouth: 'The Ministry approved' this, 'The Ministry decided' that. She was making me sick." Harry managed a small, strained smirk.

"Your friends didn't look too happy with you." Naruto made a face that looked a fair cross between ill, dreading and horrified.

"Yeah, well… We were supposed to be on our best behavior, here," Naruto mumbled. "And Tsunade is going to kick my ass from here to next Tuesday when she finds out about this. And on the first day!"

"Who's Tsunade?"

"The… Headmaster of my school back home." Naruto covered quickly. "Very well-respected woman."

"Is she anything like Dumbledore?" Naruto let out a barking laugh, nearly stumbling on the carpet covering the stones.

"Hell no! Tsunade is terrifying- She could throw me halfway across the country if she had a mind to. And at least your Headmaster looks his age; Tsunade looks twenty, but she's actually over-"

**_CRASH._**

Naruto swore as an inkwell exploded just in front of him and Harry. Above their heads floated a transparent, small, wide-faced man whom was juggling a set of inkwells. "What in the- Who the hell is that?!"

"Peeves," Harry growled. "He's a poltergeist. He's been here since my first year, maybe longer. Get used to him- He's a real pain."

"Why, it's Potty Wee Potter and one of the delightful foreigners! _Parles vous Espanol_?" Naruto stared at the poltergeist with an odd expression.

"What?"

"Oh, just get out of it, Peeves!" Harry snarled.

"Ooh, Crackpot's feeling cranky!" Peeves cackled. "What is it this time, my fine Potty friend? Hearing voices? Seeing visions? Speaking in-" He blew a big, loud, raspberry at the two Gryffindors- "-_tongues?_"

"Ignore him," Harry grunted, moving under Peeves and continuing down the hall, Naruto quickly following suit. Peeves pursued them, though, singing a nasty song:

"_Oh, most think he's barking, the Potty wee lad,_

_But some are more kindly and think he's just sad,_

_But Peevesy knows better and says that he's mad-_"

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?"

"What on _earth_ is going on out here?"

Peeves let out a howl of laughter and zoomed off down the hall as none other than Professor McGonagall burst out of her office, which happened to be only a few meters down the same hallway. After shaking her head and uttering a rueful "Peeves!" the Deputy Headmistress turned her attention to the boys. "Why aren't you two in class?"

"We've been sent to see you." Harry muttered. McGonagall's eyebrows shot up.

"_Sent_? By whom?" She then caught sight of the frilly pink note-parchment in Harry's hand, and a dark look flashed through her eyes. Harry handed her the note, and he and Naruto stood silent and still as she read it. Her eyes narrowed a little more with every line she skimmed over. "I will speak to you both separately. Potter, you first- Uzumaki, wait out here. _Quietly_."

Naruto nodded meekly and folded his arms behind his back, leaning against the wall near her office door. Harry followed McGonagall in, and Naruto was left in the silence of the hall. Since just about everyone else was in class, it was an eerie scene.

Naruto used this time to wonder at just what Sakura would do to him when she found out about this.

This was a girl, mind you, who constantly took it upon herself to keep Naruto in check. This same girl had an outstanding record of 387 meters in the popular 'Let's see how far Naruto can fly with one hit' game. _The girl who could split the very ground beneath their feet with her **bare hands**._

…

He was a dead, dead boy.

Hell, "dead" didn't even cover it.

So deep in his musings, when the door to McGonagall's office swung open Naruto jumped and let out a sharp cry of "DON'T HURT ME!" The Professor and student both gave him odd looks as the bell rang to end classes and students began to fill the halls.

"Off you go, Potter. I will see you tomorrow. Uzumaki- Your turn." Harry looked calmer now than he had before entering, but Naruto was still twitching. He walked by McGonagall and into the office, the teacher following him and shutting the door behind her. She withdrew her wand (Seemingly from thin air) and tapped the door with it, muttering something inaudible. She turned back to Naruto, looking greatly displeased.

"Sit." She snapped, pointing to the chair before her desk that, doubtless, Harry had preoccupied a moment before. "I'll cut to the chase, Mr. Uzumaki: I don't want you causing trouble in Professor Umbridge's class. You have earned a week's worth of detention from her in conjunction with Mr. Potter. Now, as I understand-" Here McGonagall lowered her voice without pause, "-Your mission at this school is top-secret, correct?" Naruto winced.

"Yes ma'am."

"And you have been _briefed _on what the Ministry is up to, correct?"

"… Yes ma'am."

"You-Know-Who- _Voldemort_- has had very little contact with your section of the world, Mr. Uzumaki, and so everyone in this school, save a few, choice students, that is unaware of your mission believes you to be almost _totally ignorant_ of our situation!" McGonagall gave him one of her sternest looks, her tone urgent. "Backing up Mr. Potter in class, however well-intentioned you are, will make you look either foolish or suspicious! _Particularly to Umbridge!_ Do you understand me?" Naruto nodded sullenly.

"Yes, Professor." McGonagall's face softened, if only slightly.

"You and your companions weren't the only ones who received a briefing, Mr. Uzumaki. We teachers know a bit about you as well. Lady Tsunade warned me that I might have you in my House, and took the liberty of telling me that you tend to be a fool who doesn't know when to stop talking."

"Sounds like her all right," Naruto grunted.

"She also told me," McGonagall pressed. "That you have a good sense of justice, loyalty and friendship." Naruto perked up a little. "That you wouldn't be the type that would put up with someone being unfair, be it student or teacher." Her eyes narrowed again. "I am afraid, however, that Professor Umbridge will enact treatments upon you and your classmates that will be even more unfair as the year goes on. You must learn to deal with it, or she will eventually have you expelled!"

This hit home enough. Naruto hated, hated, _hated_ the idea of having to abide by Umbridge's twisted sense of real and fake, truth and lie, but knew he would have to; For the sake of the mission and his own skin, as they'd all been clearly warned as to the consequences of being expelled from Hogwarts.

"I'll do my best, Professor." Naruto mumbled. McGonagall offered a slight smile.

"Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki. Run along, now- I'll be seeing you in Transfiguration tomorrow."

-

"That woman is insufferable."

Gaara's eyes were narrowed (And since he had the king of all poker-faces, this wasn't a good sign), his arms were crossed, and he was leaning against a crumbling stone wall as he watched Kimimaro trying to practice a spell. It was one that involved levitation, and he was struggling with it, the first signs of frustration beginning to show on his pale features. They were in the clock-tower courtyard of the school, with only a few other students nearby.

"I know." He twitched the wand towards the rubber ball. "Wingardium Leviosa." The ball wobbled, rising a centimeter or so into the air before dropping back down. Had Kimimaro been anyone else, he would have been swearing with anger and irritation at this point, but three or so years in a cage all alone had taught him the patience of a saint. "Keep an eye on Sakon and Ukon," He said to Gaara. "They had trouble in their eyes after her class. I think they're up to something."

"And if they're not, they will be." Gaara mumbled.

"Umbridge is certainly the type that they'd target. Just to wipe that pathetically fake smile off her face." Kimimaro flicked the wand again. "Wingardium Leviosa." The ball did a repeat performance: rising slightly, then falling back down. "I must be speaking the words incorrectly." Gaara sighed.

"Your pronunciation is fine. You're just not moving the wand." He stepped forward, uncrossing his arms, and took a light hold on Kimimaro's wrist. "Like this-" He moved the pale-haired boy's hand through the motion, then let go. "Try now." Kimimaro gave a slight cough, then flicked the wand in the demonstrated manner.

"Wingardium Leviosa." And, just like that, the ball jumped four feet into the air, hovering perfectly. "Thanks."

"Not a problem." Gaara's eyes narrowed again. "Are you feeling all right?" Kimimaro coughed again.

"Fine. Why?"

"Your face is really red." Kimimaro coughed once more, cheeks turning an even deeper shade of red.

"High blood-pressure," He mumbled, letting the ball sink back down.

BOOM.

The ground shook ever-so-slightly, and a crash resounded from the grassy hills next to the school. Gaara and Kimimaro's heads whipped around.

"What was that?"

-

"YOU _IDIOT!_"

Many young witches and wizards watched on in terror as Sakura stalked up to Naruto, a bloodthirsty look in the pink-haired girl's eyes. The blonde boy was on the ground, groaning and eating more grass and dirt than he suspected was healthy. The time of reckoning had come, and Sakura was not a merciful deity. Even one of her toned-down hits was enough to send Naruto flying.

"Yeah! Beat the crap out of him!" Sakon cheered. Sasuke punched his arm.

"You're not helping!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! ONE DAY- _ONE DAY_- HERE, AND ALREADY YOUR MOUTH GETS YOU INTO TROUBLE!" Sakura ranted as Kankuro grabbed the back of her robes in an attempt at restraining her.

"Easy, Haruno, easy!"

"Aw, give him a break, Sakura," Ukon muttered. "That woman's a real character. Even you'll be shooting your mouth off to her before the year's out." Sakura continued to huff and puff furiously, though, oblivious to the fact that many of their new peers were staring at her in utter horror.

"Relax already!" Naruto coughed, spitting out some blades of grass. "McGonagall talked to me, and trust me, I'm not going to do it again! You think I want Granny Tsunade's wrath for getting expelled?" Sakura calmed only slightly at this, but it was enough for Kankuro to hesitantly let her go.

"She's so scary!"

"She hit him a good twenty meters!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if his neck's broken!"

… This would be a long year.


	9. Everyone Hates Fudge, Too

"What do we do now?"

Shikamaru sighed and shrugged.

"I don't know. Don't think there's much we _can_ do around here, other than doing homework and practicing spells we're already supposed to know." He rubbed the back of his neck. "What a drag. And I forgot to pack the shogi board." Neji, who walked alongside Shikamaru and Chouji down a stone corridor while reading from their History textbook, arched his brow.

"That's surprising, since you spend half your time playing it back home."

"Not like we have much else to do. Training with Ino is…" Shikamaru trailed off, cringing slightly.

"Painful. Very painful." Chouji muttered.

"I suspected as much."

"Speaking of painful scenarios, does anyone know if Sakura caught Naruto yet?" Neji nodded.

"About two hours ago. You didn't hear the screaming?"

"Nah. Ino was yapping at us about something. I think it was about the Divination teacher." Chouji chuckled helplessly.

"You guys are in for a laugh when you get to Trelawney's class. She's nuttier than a squirrel's nut-stash!"

"What makes you say that?" Chouji just shook his head.

"You'll see, you'll see. What time is it?" Shikamaru stretched his arms idly, thinking.

"Ah… Close to seven, I think. We should probably head down to the Hall; Dinner should be starting soon."

As the three Leaf-ninja descended to the Great Hall, they noticed many students hunched together in bunches, whispering to one another in a manner that was most suspicious. "Is it just me," Shikamaru muttered, eyes flipping over the students, "Or does everyone in this school seem a bit…"

"Skittish?" Neji finished.

As they reached the staircase, they saw Harry Potter descending one of the flights with Ron Weasley. Upon reaching one of the landings, Harry accidentally bumped into a fourth-year Hufflepuff girl who was examining a paper in her hand. When she saw his face, she did a double-take, let out a loud shriek (Which attracted the attention of just about everyone in the vicinity) and dashed away.

Chouji gave a slow nod, looking after the girl. "That about hits the nail on the head." His eyes narrowed. "But then, everyone thinks that Harry's nuts, right?" Shikamaru nodded, watching as Harry rubbed his temples irritably and stalked down the remaining flight to the Entrance Hall.

"Damn. And we thought people were treating us weird." He sighed. "Have to admit, though; It'll be funny to watch when everyone realizes that Voldemort's back. In a grim, sick sort of way, anyway."

The Great Hall had many people that were getting dinner, but not as many as on the first night. It seemed that dinner in general wasn't a mandatory event to attend. Chouji bid farewell to his friends and made his way over to the Gryffindor table. Shikamaru and Neji both settled down with Shino, Sakura and Temari. Sakura was scanning a newspaper in her hands with narrowed eyes, her glare deepening every few lines.

"What are you reading?" Sakura glanced up, still looking irritated. She glanced around to make sure no one was listening.

"'The Daily Prophet'. It's the main newspaper of their country; to my understanding, most of the Wizarding Community in England, Scotland and Ireland read it. This is mostly where Fudge has been spreading his damage-control trash." Sakura grunted and flipped the page over so they could see a picture (Moving, as all the pictures in the Wizarding World curiously did) of the Minister.

He was a middle-aged, round looking fellow with a bowler hat and a long cloak. In the picture, he was speaking to reporters that surrounded him, though nothing could be heard out loud.

"He keeps telling the public that Dumbledore and Harry are nuts," Temari muttered, picking at the chicken on her plate.

"And everyone believes him?" Neji asked, eyebrow cocked. "I thought he was a Minister, not a dictator." Sakura shook her head.

"It's not that simple; Fudge isn't the only one who's saying it. Other writers for the different columns in 'The Daily Prophet' are taking stabs at them too."

"How so?"

"It's nothing big; Just occasionally they'll make jokes about scars or senility and make the connection to Harry or Dumbledore. If someone does something crazy or really stupid, they'll say something like 'Wow, he's almost as crazy as Potter!' and so on. You get the idea." Sakura was still scowling. "Fudge is going to get a lot of people killed if he keeps his head buried in the sand."

"He's in denial." Shino said coolly. "Odds are, when everyone realizes that Voldemort's come back, he's going to be in hot water. Especially if Voldemort makes a sizeable body-count by then."

"It would have to be a long time, then," Shikamaru mumbled. "He sounds wacky, but this guy's probably smart enough not to go on a killing spree when the majority of the world thinks he's dead. It'd be like throwing a blank check into a paper-shredder."

"Speaking of Fudge," Temari was very, very careful to lower her voice. "Have any of you had his minion's class yet?"

Neji's brow furrowed. "Who?" Temari snorted.

"Umbridge. And clearly _you_ haven't, or you'd know what I'm talking about."

"We haven't either," Shikamaru said. "You?" Temari snorted.

"She's _horrible!_" She cast a quick glance up at Umbridge, whom was dining at the Staff Table and was seemingly oblivious to the looks of distaste Snape and McGonagall kept shooting at her. "She never shuts up about the Ministry, she talks to us like we're five, and she's trying to teach us Defensive Magic without letting us practice the damn spells!"

"Isn't that what got Naruto's class so upset?" Shino inquired.

"Exactly. No one in my class flipped out, but I could tell a few of them were angry." Temari shook her head. "That woman won't make this year easy. Anyone who shows displeasure with her methods will probably be under her radar until the year is over…"

"Good thing we won't be here next year, then." Neji grunted. Sakura, however, smirked.

"Actually," She said, "I heard a rumor today that, for several years now, no Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has ever lasted more than a year. They've all either died, resigned, been fired, or suffered some sort of accident. Those twins from Gryffindor have opened a betting pool for what'll happen to Umbridge."

"Where do I put my chips in?"

-

At the Hufflepuff table, Hinata was sharing similar (If not calmer) sentiments about Umbridge.

"A-And she isn't going to let any of us practice the spells… I don't see how we can learn them without hands-on experience-" She glanced around nervously. "Especially us…" Kimimaro nodded slowly.

"Gaara was telling me. He was in the same class as Naruto. It certainly presents a problem for us; I don't think we're allowed to practice defensive spells in the Dorm Rooms."

"Perhaps we are allowed to practice them outside?" Lee suggested.

"Maybe… But there may be an issue with safety. The teachers may not want us attacking each other anywhere…" Hinata mumbled. Kimimaro shot a dark sideways glance at Umbridge.

"Something tells me that only one of the Staff would really have a problem with it." Lee nodded vigorously.

"She certainly is an odd person. Very controlling. I really cannot understand why Professor Dumbledore would hire this woman as a teacher when she so clearly does not understand how to teach!"

"I don't think he hired her." Hinata and Lee blinked.

"What makes you say that?"

"I heard Professor Sprout speaking with Professor Vector this morning. She mentioned something to the effect of 'Dumbledore allowing the Ministry to saddle us all with Umbridge'. I think the Minister might have forced Dumbledore to accept her as a teacher."

"How can he do such a thing?" Kimimaro shrugged.

"I suppose government authority overrides the school system's in the Wizarding World as well." He said. "Dumbledore is simply trying to grin and bear it." Lee grimaced.

"Which means _we_ have to as well."


	10. The Howler

The next day, everyone went through the class cycle again, some in better spirits than others. "It's unusual," Kimimaro muttered to Kankuro in Herbology. "I've never actually attended formal schooling before."

"Really?"

"No. I was too young when I lived with my clan, and Orochimaru didn't establish one in Otogakure." He carefully plucked a dead leaf off the strange red and yellow flower they were tending. "Did you?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately. Can't say you were really missing anything. The first few days after break are all right, but once you settle into the drone of the year you learn to hate everything that moves."

"Professor Sprout?" Ukon called from two tables behind them. "What happens if the green liquid in the little bubbles gets on your skin?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Ah… Just wondering…"

"Geez, Ukon, is that supposed to turn purple?"

-

Transfiguration was a delightful experience. The ninja were accustomed to changing the physical appearance of various things, but in class they would be learning how to _really_ change one thing into another. Today, they were going back to the basics and changing buttons into beetles.

Sakura, to neither Shikamaru nor Shino's surprise, was a natural at it. Shikamaru had always been exceedingly lazy back in the ninja academy; he was, be all means, a brilliant boy, but he'd been too lazy to lift a pencil to do a test or to do homework. He'd passed the final exam fine, though, and had graduated regardless of his energy level. Now, though, with a mission in the works, he had to at least try.

Shino was doing spectacular job as well. But then, this was one of the few classes where they'd be dealing with bugs, so it was likely that he was taking advantage of the opportunity. For obvious reasons, he'd been absolutely forbidden to release his kikaichu at school.

"This is fun," Sakura whispered, carefully nudging her newly changed beetle away from the edge of the desk with the end of her wand. Shikamaru idly tapped the button, causing it to sprout antennae and six tiny legs.

"It's definitely… Something."

-

At lunch, Naruto sat down next to Harry and Ron.

"So, ah, Harry- What type of detention are we looking at, here?" Harry's look soured.

"The unpleasant type." Naruto snorted.

"Well, yeah, I figured. But I was wondering more along the lines about what she's going to make us do. What constitutes as a punishment around here?"

"Well, what did they use for punishment at your school?" Naruto thought for a moment, wondering how he could best word his response. Punishment for higher-rank ninja was demotion (On a higher level); lower-level punishments could range from confinement to the village, confinement to one's quarters, a week of D-Rank missions, or maybe something more personalized if Tsunade knew you well.

"Well… Various unpleasant tasks…" Ron made a face.

"Never get a detention with Snape- He makes you do all sorts of nasty stuff. Once, I had to sort out good and bad horned-toad hearts to use for class." Naruto shivered.

"Aw, man- I hope we're not doing anything like that. I like toads way to much to-"

Without warning, a falcon bearing a Hidden Leaf symbol swooped down over the table bearing a red envelope in its talons. It landed before Naruto, staring at him with intelligent black eyes. "What's this?"

As Naruto removed the crimson letter from the bird's talons, he recognized Tsunade's handwriting. "What's it say?" Harry asked (Naruto's name was written in kanji).

"It's from Tsunade. Weird- I wonder why the envelope… Ron? Is something wrong?" Ron had gone slightly pale.

"Naruto… Mate… Is that a Howler?" Naruto blinked, but Harry nodded with clarity.

"Ah, that's why it looks so familiar."

"What?" Ron looked at him incredulously.

"A _Howler_, Naruto. Don't they have them in Japan?"

The envelope was starting to smoke.

"Holy- Is it supposed to be doing that?"

"Naruto, open it!"

"Quick, before it explodes!"

"Explodes?!"

"Open it!"

Naruto, shaking, opened the letter.

For a moment, he thought it _had_ exploded.

"_**NARUTO UZUMAKI, YOU IDIOT!**_" Tsunade's voice boomed through the air. Every head in the hall immediately turned to look at the poor sap who'd been on the receiving end of a Howler. "_**I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! ONE DAY- **__**ONE DAY**__**- AT THAT SCHOOL, AND YOU'VE ALREADY GOTTEN YOURSELF A DETENTION? DO I HAVE TO REMIND YOU WHAT PRECISELY I PLAN ON DOING TO YOU IF YOU GET EXPELLED? IF I HEAR THAT YOU'VE GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO ANY MORE TROUBLE, YOU'LL BE CHASING LADY SHIJIMI'S CAT UNTIL YOU'RE JIRAIYA'S AGE!**_"

The letter promptly burst into flames, smoldering on the table. Naruto, pale and horrified, watched blankly. The entire hall was silent.

Then, all at once, everyone burst into laughter.

Naruto went dark red and sunk under the table.

"Blimey… Who was _that_? She sounds scarier than my mum!"

-

"Holy _crap_, Naruto, what was that?!"

Naruto blushed crimson and shut his eyes. Sakon and Ukon weren't teasing him, merely curious, but knew they would get to poking fun at him soon enough.

"Careful, Uzumaki, you'll walk into a wall."

Ukon made an excellent point. One thing to walk into a wall back home, but the walls inside the school were all stone. Face-versus-wall, didn't take a genius to guess which would come out better in the end.

Harry and Ron edged away awkwardly. Sakon and Ukon were Slytherins after all, though obviously not malevolent bastards like Malfoy. Besides, if Naruto, the raging ball of spit-fire attitude, could speak with them casually, then they couldn't have been all that bad.

"It was a…" Naruto glanced at the two other Gryffindors.

"Howler." They chorused promptly.

"What they said." Sakon started to snigger wildly, but Ukon just shook his head in bewilderment.

"_Wow_. I am making it my personal mission in life never to do anything to make Lady Tsunade howl at me like that. She's terrifying!"

"If only you held such fear of Gaara."

Sakon swore loudly. Kimimaro had an unnatural ability to sneak up behind people at any given moment. "Stop frigging doing that!" He barked, attracting several stares. Harry and Ron hit their limit.

"Ah… We'll see you in Transfiguration, Naruto… Come on, Ron." Harry muttered, grabbing Ron's sleeve and pulling him along down the corridor, away from Naruto, Kimimaro and the whack-job twins. Most of the other students in the vicinity made a point to quickly move away as well. Sakon snorted.

"Everyone in this school's as jumpy as a rabbit," He said dismissively. "So, Naruto- Looking forward to detention with Umbridge tonight?" Naruto dealt the younger twin a withering look and said nothing.

"Be sure to take down Umbridge's methods in detail, Naruto," Kimimaro mumbled, coolly placing a book in his bag as they ascended the steps of the clock tower. "I'm sure Sakon and Ukon will have many sessions with her before the year is up." The twins pouted.

"Why do you say that?" Said Ukon.

"Maybe we'll behave." Said Sakon.

There was a pause, and then they both broke into laughter.

"I couldn't say that with a straight face!" Sakon giggled. Ukon reached up to wipe tears of mirth from his eyes, and Naruto spied a bandage on the older of the twin's hands.

"What happened to you?"

"Eh, Herbology incident. Bit of advice: When an unknown, viscous substance from a strange flower drips on your hands, _time is a factor_."

Kimimaro's face was ever impassive, but a brief flash of mirth passed through his eyes. "Ask him where else he dropped it." Ukon's face burned red.

"Shut up."


	11. The Detention From Hell

That night, Harry and Naruto trudged off to Umbridge's office. Naruto had briefly considered conjuring up a shadow clone to serve the detention for him, but knew that if something went wrong Tsunade would come down to Hogwarts and personally relieve him of his head. So, however grudgingly, he accompanied Harry down the torch-lit halls to Umbridge's office at five o' clock.

Noting Harry's gloomy expression (Naruto was starting to think it was a disposition), the blonde struck up a conversation. "So… That Malfoy kid's a real creep, eh?" Harry snorted.

"Welcome to the last four years of my life," He muttered. "He thinks he can do whatever he wants because he's rich and comes from a long line of Purebloods." Naruto chuckled nervously.

"Yeah, what an ass…" _What's a Pureblood, what's a Pureblood?!_ Naruto thought frantically. Tsunade had made them all memorize some Wizard-vocabulary that would undoubtedly come up during their mission, but we all know that Naruto isn't especially skilled at memorization.

The term, he was certain, had something to do with… Ah! Right! It meant you didn't have any Muggles- normal humans- in your direct lineage. So, in short, Malfoy was just a stuck-up rich kid who (From what dialogue Naruto had heard from him thus far) ran to daddy to fix whatever problems he incited.

Two days into the year and Naruto had already found someone he _knew_ he would have problems with.

Well- Aside from Umbridge, anyway.

-

Her office was the stuff of nightmares, the type of thing that would make Orochimaru himself writhe in agony: Covered in pink, and decorated excessively with ornate plates depicting many wide-eyed kittens. The atmosphere was one that Naruto thought Lady Shijimi might enjoy.

Naruto had a brief inner laugh at the mental image of Kiba getting detention with this woman.

Harry received an extra insult to injury. He'd asked Professor Umbridge if he might miss Friday's detention, since Angelina Johnson would be after his head if he missed Keeper tryouts for the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

Umbridge, predictably, refused. It was his "punishment for spreading nasty, attention-seeking lies". Naruto had to bite back the insane urge to tell her exactly where she could stick her opinion on his 'lies', but forcibly kept the image of Tsunade hopelessly _mauling_ him in his mind to keep himself quiet.

Umbridge turned her toady face towards the undercover-ninja.

"I most certainly hope," She said, sugar-sweetness having returned since yesterday, "that you aren't seeking to miss one of your detentions, Mr. Uzumaki. For my answer to you is the same as my answer to Mr. Potter."

_Tsunade will kill me if I hit the bitch,_ Naruto repeated the mantra in his head. _Tsunade will kill me if I hit the bitch, Tsunade will kill me if I hit the bitch, Tsunade will kill me if I hit the bitch…_

It took everything he had to force a smile.

"Of course not, Professor."

It seemed that Umbridge could sense Harry and Naruto's urge to swear at her. Once they'd taken seats at the two desks she'd brought into the room, she gave them a horrible, condescending smile.

"There, now! We're already getting better at controlling our tempers, aren't we?"

_TSUNADE WILL KILL ME IF I HIT THIS BITCH! TSUNADE WILL KILL ME IF I HIT THIS BITCH! TSUNADE WILL KILL ME IF I HIT THIS BITCH! TSUNADE WILL KILL ME IF I HIT THIS BITCH!_

"Now, you two will be doing some lines for me. Not with your quills, no- With some special ones of mine." She picked up a couple of long, sinister looking black quills with unusually sharp tips. "Mr. Potter, I would like you to write 'I must not tell lies'. Mr. Uzumaki, I would like you to write 'I must not encourage bad behavior'."

"How many times?"

Umbridge's snake-smile was unusually suspicious.

"Oh, as many times as it takes to… Sink in." Naruto examined the quill.

"Ah… Don't we need ink?" Umbridge giggled.

"No, no… You'll manage without it." Naruto shot Harry a look of dread and foreboding before leaning down to write on the parchment Umbridge had left on their desks.

'I must not encourage bad behavior'.

Harry gasped, and Naruto jumped in pain.

The words appeared on the parchment in, what appeared to be, red ink. But when Naruto looked at his hand, he saw that the line had been carved into his skin! It didn't take a genius to figure out what Umbridge was up to: She wanted to brand them, mark them as troublemakers.

Ha. Well, the joke was on her, at least where Naruto was concerned. Because of the Kyuubi, Naruto was capable of healing incredibly quickly. He'd been in hundreds of fights before, but had very, very few scars to show for it. These sessions would be painful, but by the end of the week Naruto wouldn't show so much as a scratch. But Harry, poor Harry, would probably be scarred.

The injustice of it all- This had to be illegal- was enough to make Naruto boil over in rage. He could feel the fox in him rising, urging him to lose control so that it could take over and attack Umbridge.

But no. He wouldn't let it. He could stick it out.

It would be worth it to see the look on that old hag's face when she saw that she wasn't even making a dent.

-

Harry was ready to run back to the Common Room when they were done. He would have, too, if Naruto hadn't been there. It was past midnight, and he was cursing Umbridge out in the silent halls as easily as he said anything else.

"That frigging-miserable-rotten-no-good-low-down-snake-kissing-demon-humping-god-damned-evil-bitch!" Naruto hissed as loudly as he dared. "This is illegal; This _has_ to be illegal!"

"Of course it is! I've heard people count detention as a form of torture before, but this is ridiculous!" Harry snarled (He was angry, but Naruto's string of slightly more inventive insults had made him laugh).

"Should we tell someone? Dumbledore? McGonagall? THE LOCAL LAW-ENFORCEMENT?"

"No, no, no and she _is_ the law-enforcement around here, remember? She's with the Ministry!" Naruto let out a grunt.

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds like there's no point. Tell me, Harry, he's your Minister: You think he knows that Umbridge uses these types of methods on her beloved students?" Harry shook his head ruefully.

"I don't know what to think of Fudge anymore. I'm sorry to say, if he thinks it'll shut me up and not make him look bad to the community, he'd be glad for any method she uses!"

"What about Dumbledore or McGonagall? Could they make her stop?"

"Probably not. McGonagall's only Deputy, and Dumbledore…" Some of the fire behind Harry's voice died a little. "… He's got a lot on his plate right now. I don't want to bother him with this." Harry stopped in the sparsely lit hall and turned to face Naruto, whom also skidded to a stop. "We can handle her, right Naruto?"

Naruto grinned. "Hell yeah," He chuckled, slapping Harry's shoulder amiably. "I've dealt with worse characters before. Let's show her how tough us Gryffindors can be!"


	12. Hell Week

Hello! Story's back!

I've read the reviews, and I'm jumping on that 'Naruto's out of character' problem. I don't disagree: He _is_ out of character. I'm going to see if I can get some of that spice back. Give me a little time, though. I've already got some chapters planned out in a very specific way, but I WILL incorporate Naruto's... _Naruto-ness_ in as soon as possible.

-

The rest of the week was a nightmare.

Naruto and everyone in his age group had had the misfortune of arriving in their Fifth years, meaning homework, homework and- you guessed it- more homework, all of which would lead up to their OWL exams at the end of the year. It seemed that Neji, Tenten and Lee were in a similar predicament, only with their NEWT exams.

Naruto sincerely hoped that the OWL and NEWT thing were _supposed_ to be like that, rather than being a coincidence.

Friday brought two joys with it: The upcoming weekend and the knowledge that it would be the last night of detention with Umbridge.

For the past three nights, Naruto had taken great pleasure from watching Umbridge look at his hand and, silently, wonder at the fact that he had no scar like Harry did. The skin was always red and irritated, but never permanently marked. He'd gotten away with telling Harry that he was unnaturally thick-skinned and had always healed quickly. It was times like this that actually made Naruto thankful he had the king of all demons using his body as a hotel.

That night, after Harry proffered his red and bleeding hand to Umbridge and was released from detention (He left quickly, muttering that he had to meet Ron), Naruto showed Umbridge's his.

Umbridge examined the blonde's hand, and a brief flash of irritation passed through her eyes. Naruto made sure that his eyes gleamed triumphantly when she looked up at him, though he kept his expression blank.

"Well, Mr. Uzumaki… It would seem that the message hasn't really sunken in yet, has it?" Naruto blinked innocently, suppressing a gleeful grin.

"I guess it hasn't, ma'am."

This was one of those cliché moments where everything that went unsaid was even more key than what was being said: The message hadn't sunken in figuratively… Or literally. Naruto would keep on encouraging Harry's '_bad behavior'_ until the moon fell into the ocean, because he thought that Umbridge was an evil, brain-washing troll who got off on seeing other people in pain, and nothing would stop him from believing that.

His eyes must have reflected the defiance in his heart, because irritation flickered in Umbridge's beady eyes.

"Well. I think we might need another week's worth of detention to remedy that."

-

"WHAT?"

"I know, I know, I FRICKING KNOW!"

Naruto was ready to punch through a wall. That crow! That bitch! That toad- No; Naruto loved toads, and comparing… _Her_ to the likes of Gamabunta, Gamakichi and Gamatatsu was just wrong.

Sakura was enraged as well. She nearly flipped over the Gryffindor table at breakfast when Naruto told her he had another week's worth of detention, thinking he'd done something stupid again. But she was even angrier when she learned of Umbridge's methods, and precisely _why_ the message hadn't 'sunken in'.

Sasuke had arrived and quickly dragged them both outside. It was Saturday, and they could afford to take a quick break to assess the situation.

"That- That- That- Augh!"

"Easy, Sakura," Sasuke muttered, waving his hands. "It's unfair, but we all need to keep our heads. Why don't you talk to McGonagall?" Naruto gnashed his teeth, trying valiantly not to shriek in frustration.

"Why? What can she do about it?"

"You didn't say anything to warrant a detention- _Right?_" Naruto nodded furiously.

"Right! I didn't say a thing!" Well- He _had_ agreed that the 'message hadn't sunken in', but Umbridge knew exactly what he was referring to when he said it.

"Well, she can't give you a detention without reason, right?" Sakura threw up her hands, pacing back and forth, her skirt blowing in the wind.

"She can do whatever the hell she wants! She's with the Ministry, isn't she?" Her tone was venomous when she spoke about the government. "Dumbledore's below her where it counts, Sasuke: If he says she can't give him detention, she'll probably run off with some cockamamie story about him playing favorites and not allowing her to discipline certain students!" Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Good point."

"ARGH!" Naruto pulled at his hair. "I can handle the pain. I can handle the detentions, and I'll never get a scar from this sort of thing, but seriously! How can she get away with something like this?!" Sasuke folded his hands behind his neck.

"Connections, that's how." He grunted.

Team Seven was silent for a moment. The sky was clear and the clouds drifted slowly through the light blue backdrop.

"So what do we do about this?"

Sasuke folded his hands behind his head, sighing.

"I don't know."

Naruto smirked wickedly.

"We fill her desk with slugs!" Sakura's expression flattened.

"Tempting, but no."

-

… Yeah, kinda ran low on ideas for what I could smoothly fit into this chapter, so it's a little shorter than usual.


	13. Wizarding Culture

At least part of this was typed during a computer class at my school. A rather novel experience, actually, since I'm not used to writing stuff I plan on posting at school… This is the bonus of finishing all your required work early, kids.

-

By the end of September, they'd settled enough into the routine to integrate their actions into reflex. So far, they were in the clear; no one had spilled accidental details about their true origins or mission.

Naruto had finished his second week of detention with Umbridge just as he had the first. And like his previous week of detention, he had absolutely no marks on his hand to show for it. Umbridge was clearly baffled by this, and Naruto reveled in her confusion, but Sakura was quick to crush his satisfaction.

"It's not a good thing, Naruto," She'd said. "You've gone two weeks now carving that message into your hand, and you have nothing to show for it. Your hand's not even swollen. That's pretty suspicious, don't you think?"

"She has a point," Neji had agreed. "Wizards are human. They don't have supernatural healing powers."

"Well, how's she going to explain it, then?" Naruto growled.

"She can't. At least, not by magical means." Neji's eyes had narrowed pointedly. "You mustn't receive anymore detentions with her. Stay completely out of her radar. If your abilities pique her interest, she might start researching possible explanations." He didn't need to go onto just what explanations Umbridge could possibly find. Undoubtedly, whatever ones she found would be bad, and while many of them would probably be wrong guesses, it would mean trouble.

To the surprise (and shock) of all ninja concerned, Sakon and Ukon had managed to stay out of trouble. They had not received a detention nor had they been scolded by a teacher. "They're planning something," Kankuro muttered ruefully to Sasuke over breakfast as they observed the twins whispering to one another. "I just know they are. Something's going to get blown up. I can almost smell the smoke."

Classes weren't so bad. They'd be even better if the teachers didn't heap so much homework on them all at once. The teachers piled on the homework for their subject like a mountain, uncaring how much their fellows had already dumped on the students. It was insane. And Naruto had thought Iruka was homework-crazy!

By the beginning of October, however, the ninja had discovered the intriguing (and often bizarre) games of the Wizarding World. Exploding Snap was one that had hit Lee like a ton of bricks. Imagine his surprise when his eyebrows ended up singed after losing the first match. Sakura had been appalled, commenting fervently on how dangerous it was, but Shikamaru had dismissed her worrying lackadaisically, commenting that it was no different than training with exploding tags (Sakura had gone on to point out several key differences, but the lazier ninja had blocked her out).

Another game- and this one was arguably just as dangerous as exploding snap- was a popular one, a sport played on brooms: Quidditch. Where on earth they'd gotten that name nobody knew, but it was an action-packed fun-fest as far as Naruto and Kiba were concerned. It involved racing around a stadium on enchanted brooms, throwing a ball back and forth while trying to dodge a pair of gigantic, rock-hard balls ("Bloody-somethings," Kiba said) whose objective was to knock you off your broom. When the last ball, a tiny golden one with wings, was caught by the Seeker, the game ended, and the winners were determined by points.

"Chaotic," Tenten muttered as Naruto finished his wild explanation.

"Awesome!" Chouji crowed.

In lieu of taijutsu, ninjutsu or genjutsu training, the ninja spent much of what little free time they had honing the skills they supposedly already knew- Without Umbridge or any other students seeing. "It's one thing if a student sees. They won't care," Sasuke said. "But Umbridge is at least smart enough to put the pieces together."

"What do you think she'd do if she found out we were ninja?" Ukon asked, idly twirling a quill between his fingers. Kankuro slapped the back of his head, and he yelped.

"Keep your voice down!"

"Hit me again and I'll jam this quill through your-"

"_Quiet!_" A nasty looking group of fellow Slytherins were eyeing them icily. The Leaf and Sand ninja dealt them equally cold looks before the group stalked off. Sasuke let out a deep breath. "Most likely, she'd have us kicked out. Or maybe she'd just make us miserable. She doesn't want anyone getting the impression that there's something to be worried about."

"If she finds out that we're ninja," Gaara said tonelessly, eyes on his Charms book. "We're definitely gone. And there'll most likely be some sort of international panic. Relations between ninja and wizards have never been good."

"In what way?"

"They think we're all a bunch of uncivilized monsters that get a kick out of murdering people." Sakon was tossing a gobstone (Another popular wizard toy) up and down, laying on his back on the stone floor of the Slytherin common room. "Why can't they look past the hundreds of civil wars and pointless deaths to see the fluffy bunnies we all are inside?" Sasuke tossed an inkwell at the younger twin, which smacked Sakon in the head.

"Damn it! Why is everyone hitting me?!"

"Passes the time." Kankuro muttered, tapping the end of one quill on the arm rest of his chair.


	14. Meeting in the Forest

Sorry for the lack of updates! After the Harry Potter craze back in July, I forced myself (In August) to work on my much neglected 'The Hobbit, the Ring and the Fellowship' story.

That being said, my brain hurts. Go easy on me.

-

_Meeting at the edge of the Forbidden Forest at midnight. _

_Burn this note after reading it._

-

Short, sweet and to the point.

Had this been Konoha or Suna, the note could have just as easily exploded after being read, but that would draw just a bit too much attention.

One might think that sneaking out after hours would be incredibly risky, especially all of them together to meet at the edge of the grounds.

Really, the only members of the staff they had to worry about were Filch, the caretaker, and Umbridge. All the rest of the staff were well-informed that the ninja would, at least once or twice a month, group together at one spot or another in the middle of the night to check status.

As far as getting past any classmates that might've stayed up in the common rooms too late went? Too easy. They _were_ ninja, after all. And it wasn't like it took an insane amount of stealth skill to get past an exhausted student studying for exams.

The lawns were eerily still and silent in the blackness of the cold November night, and it was there when they had to move the fastest, not knowing who may or may not have been looking out from the windows.

Dumbledore had warned them in advance that going too deep into the forest would bring a great deal of trouble. Centaurs, Acromantula (They had no idea what it was, but Neji and Sasuke immediately deduced what it _sounded_ like, and didn't want to test their theories), and other various creatures that would not be pleased to see them.

They met just beyond the edge, in contradiction to the note. Deep enough into the woods to avoid being spotted from the castle, but close enough to the grounds to avoid meeting any unpleasant creatures.

"All right," Sakura whispered once everyone had gathered. "Now-"

"Why the hell are you whispering? It's not like there's anyone around." Sakon snorted. Kankuro thought about moving over to the younger twin's position to cuff him, but was too busy trying to block out the cold.

"There's something to be said for stealth," Sakura protested. "How many conversations can you recall overhearing on accident just because someone didn't keep their voice down?"

"You're asking the wrong person, Sakura. He eavesdrops." Kimimaro muttered, pulling his cloak a little tighter around him. Sakon shot him as spirited a menacing look he could manage at the middle of the night.

"Move on!" Kiba snapped. "It's freezing out here!"

"Okay! Okay! Fine!" Sakura pulled something out of her cloak pocket and held it up. "This is a newspaper clipping from yesterday. Apparently, a man named Sturgis Podmore- Shut _up_, it is _not_ that funny a name- was arrested and tried for breaking into the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry."

"And they all lived happily ever after. Can we go?" Kankuro grunted. Sakura glared at him.

"According to Dumbledore," She continued frostily, "This is an apparent attempt at Voldemort attempting to get something out of the Department that he can't just waltz in and get on his own."

"So Voldie's being a busy bunny behind the scenes? Is that the point?" Naruto asked, hoping to hurry the meeting along. Sakura nodded.

"Essentially. Dumbledore wants the Gryffindors to keep a particularly close eye on Harry, and report to him if anything seems off. It seems that Voldemort plans on incorporating Harry into his plans as much as possible."

"Okay, wonderful; Good for him, sucks for Harry, moving on: Is there anything else, or can we _go to bed already?_" Sakon snapped, elbowing his dozing twin in the gut to rouse him. Sakura let out a slight, frustrated noise.

"One more thing. And I'm sure this'll get your attention far better than the last piece. Neji?"

Neji coughed slightly and cleared his throat. "Ah… Dumbledore had informed us that…" His face twitched into a grimace, then went back to its usual composure. "As of tomorrow, Umbridge will be taking on the position of High Inquisitor in the school. It'll be the headline in the morning's paper."

There was silence.

Everyone looked horrified.

Mind you, they weren't quite certain what an Inquisitor's specific duties were, but if it was Umbridge's new second job, then it most certainly would not be good.

"_What_?"

"It's a power move by the Ministry; they want more control over the school. Umbridge must've told them what Harry and a _few other people_-" Sakura broke off to glare daggers at Naruto. "-Have been spreading around."

"Dumbledore meant for us to warn you," Neji continued, sounding a little pained, "That the article in the paper will be highly flattering towards Umbridge. He wants us to keep ourselves and our reactions in check." He glanced pointedly at Naruto. Had the blonde been more awake, he might've snapped at Neji and Sakura for directing so much heat at him.

"So now she's going to be even _more_ insufferable. Joy!" Sasuke threw his hands up. "Just how much power does a 'High Inquisitor' have?"

"She'll be inspecting the teachers," Neji said. "Sitting in on classes of different years at random, asking them questions, asking _us_ questions- She's trying to weed out the useless and the ones that are notably loyal to Dumbledore."

"Trelawney's gone." Naruto said flatly.

"Definitely." Chouji agreed with a yawn. "If we're lucky, Snape'll go with her."

-

"Interviewing us," Tenten muttered as she, Ino, Kiba, Naruto and Chouji crept back up to the Common Room. "I don't like the sound of that. We'll have to be careful; if she thinks there's something weird about any of us, she may try to trap some of us with her questions." This shouldn't have been much of a problem, in reality; each of them had been coaxed on what exactly they were supposed to say in regards to their 'old school', Tenten's made-up 'Social Studies of the Historic Wizarding Community' class not withstanding. But it was highly likely that someone would forget their lines and blow their cover on accident, especially if pressured by Umbridge.

"Keep the answers short and simple," Kiba said breezily. "The less you say, the less likely you are to say something you regret."

His four companions turned and gave him an odd look. He stared back blankly and shrugged.

"It's something my sister says," He muttered defensively. "I thought it sounded smart." Tenten rolled her eyes and turned to the portrait of the Fat Lady, asleep in her frame.

"_Mimbulus Mimbletonia_."

"And where have you five been?" The Fat Lady asked, her sleepy tone holding an accusatory note.

"Nowhere, nowhere. Can we go in?" The Fat Lady yawned.

"Next time, I'll lock you out…" Regardless, she swung open to reveal the entrance to the Common Room. Tenten went through first. As soon as she touched the other side of the portal, though, she heard a slight yelp.

"What're you doing here?!"

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger were grouped around the fire. From their positions when Tenten had entered (Harry and Hermione had jumped up, startled), she deduced that they'd been facing the fire, bent down and staring at it. As her comrades entered the scene from behind her, the brunette realized that this might end up being more of a troublesome (She regretfully coined Shikamaru's catchphrase) situation than she'd first thought. Ron and Hermione were Prefects; Prefects that had just caught five of their Housemates breaking curfew red-handed.

"Ah- Well, ah- We were… Um…" Naruto and Chouji both stumbled over their words.

"Detention," Ino covered smoothly. "For Professor Snape. He caught us fighting with some Slytherins earlier today." The boys- not to mention Tenten, who'd been drawing a blank- could have kissed her. It was a great cover. And since she'd used Snape's name as opposed to any other teacher's, Hermione would be less likely to investigate the claim. But nonetheless, their bushy-haired fellow Gryffindor eyed them suspiciously, her arms crossed.

"All of you?" She asked lightly.

"Yup." Kiba said, jamming his hands into his pockets and mirroring Ino's cool expression. Hermione stared at them for the longest time, and Naruto in particular had to fight to keep from cringing. He was naturally quite bad at lying- At least, smoothly. Particularly when it came to big things like this. But after a moment, the Prefect nodded.

"All right. If you say so."

And so, they narrowly avoided a potentially catastrophic situation.

They weren't out of the woods, though, no pun intended; the one chink in Ino's alibi was that all five of them had their cloaks with them. Either Hermione had been too tired to notice, or she was keeping the information in mind for later research.

Of course, maybe it had something to do with whatever she, Harry and Ron were doing before the portrait had opened. They'd looked awfully nervous, after all…

-

It's short, I know. Forgive me- I'm in something of a slump.


	15. High Inquistor of Hogwarts

The next morning, the ninja watched their classmates' faces carefully as they scanned the headline of the Daily Prophet and ripped through the article. The Gryffindor ninja wisely declined from reading the article, knowing they would, most likely, not be able to handle it.

"They're as horrified as we are," Chouji muttered, watching as Harry and Hermione glared at the paper down the way.

"I don't see why- They don't have half as much at stake as we do if we're caught by Umbridge." Naruto whispered as he crushed a piece of toast in his hand. Ino sighed and handed him a napkin.

"You're wrong." She whispered back. "We'll get a reprimand for screwing up if we're caught, nothing more to it. Umbridge is screwing with everyone else's futures, though. This could be a year of schooling most of these kids'll never get back. Geez, Naruto, don't take your frustrations out on the toast."

At the Hufflepuff table, Kimimaro was scanning over the article and muttering snippets to Lee and Hinata. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see the name 'Malfoy' in here." Hinata blinked.

"Draco Malfoy? The Slytherin boy that was giving Temari trouble?"

"No. His father, I presume: Lucius Malfoy." There was a mildly disgusted look in the pale boy's eyes. "I can tell simply from the way he talks that he's just like his son." Lee glanced over at the Slytherin table.

"It seems they are enjoying the article." He noted coolly, prodding at the jam on his toast. He was too distracted to eat. "Malfoy and his friends are laughing. Most of the Slytherins are. Except for ours, anyway." Indeed, it seemed the only Slytherins un-amused by the article were Gaara, Kankuro, Sasuke and the twins.

"What did Malfoy's father say?" Hinata asked, leaning forward to look.

"The same thing everyone else has: Dumbledore's eccentric, we children are in danger, Hogwarts needs a new Headmaster and the like." Lee shook his head in disgust.

"Such lies! Dumbledore is an excellent Headmaster." He said this a little too loudly, though, and received a few icy stares from their fellow Hufflepuff Housemates. But with one glare from Kimimaro, they turned their backs and quickly pretended not to see.

"If you think that's insulting," Kimimaro continued slowly, making sure no one else was daring to give them the evil-eye, "It gets worse. Fudge is so obsessed with keeping everything normal, he's assuring everyone that Umbridge has been a huge success here." He narrowed his eyes at the article. "'An immediate success, revolutionizing the teaching of Defense Against the Dark Arts and providing the Minister with one-on-one feedback about what's really happening at Hogwarts.'"

This time, Hinata actually looked angry. "She's no better than a spy!"

"Exactly. That's the only reason she's here. Fudge wouldn't bother placing a puppet in the school if he wasn't worried about what Dumbledore was saying behind his back." He glanced down one last time. "'Wizengamot elders Griselda Marchbanks and Tiberius Ogden have resigned from their positions in protest… 'Hogwarts is a school, not an outpost of Cornelius Fudge's office'… 'Further disgusting attempt to discredit Albus Dumbledore'… For full account of Marchbanks' alleged links to subversive goblin groups, turn to page 17'-"

"_Inexcusable!_"

Kimimaro and Hinata jumped (along with several other people the vicinity) as Lee slammed a hand down on the table. "Anyone who dares to agree with Professor Dumbledore is getting blackballed! This is insanity!"

"Lee! Calm down!" Hinata gasped, gently placing a hand on his arm and waving pleadingly to her cousin the next table over; Neji looked about ready to come over and kill Lee for causing such a scene. "Remember what Neji said Dumbledore wanted us to do! We have to stay calm!"

"But this is madness! Every attempt at defending Dumbledore turns into an attack on the Ministry in their eyes, and almost everyone here is buying into it!" Kimimaro remained cautiously silent, not bothering to tell Lee to keep his voice down. It probably would have no effect, and the damage was already done. A few students looked taken aback, even ashamed. Others looked angry.

"They'll see in time, Lee," Hinata's voice was lower than a whisper now that everyone was watching. "But for now, we need to hold our tongues and guard everyone as best we can. The truth will come out eventually." Her dark haired companion still looked furious, but he said nothing more.

-

Lee's little explosion had been circulated amongst the students by noon. Some were calling him a freak; others, in much, much, _much_ quieter voices, were wondering if maybe he was right to be angry: Dumbledore was certainly an odd man, but that didn't mean he was insane.

"Maybe he's right," Temari overheard Rose Zeller whispering to her friend Veronica Mullins in the bathroom. "Maybe the Ministry _is_ being unfair to Dumbledore."

"That kid's a freak," Morton Wiles, a sixth-year Ravenclaw, proclaimed snidely at the edge of the courtyard as Chouji and Ino walked by. "Dumbledore's gone senile and everyone knows it. He's one of the foreigners, anyway- What the hell would he know about it?"

But the biggest incident came near dinnertime, in the third floor Charms corridor.

It didn't end well.

"Wow, your friend's really a _freak,_ isn't he?" Malfoy drawled as Gaara and Kankuro passed him and his friends in the hall. Goyle and Crabbe laughed stupidly as the two Sand ninja froze.

If it had been Sasuke, he would have ignored it.

If it were the twins, they would have spat back some sort of really insulting remark about Malfoy's mother and a group of armadillos (They were surprisingly inventive when it came to retorts at times).

But Gaara and Kankuro? They'd developed some serious respect for Lee after the Chuunin Exams and the fight with the Sound Five. Malfoy could not have picked two worse people to fire his mouth off at, except perhaps Naruto and Sakura or Neji and Tenten.

Gaara slowed to a complete stop, causing Kankuro to follow suit. "Easy, Gaara," The older warned his little brother. "Easy." If Gaara heard him, he gave no sign as he turned back, ever so slowly, to face the trio. He said nothing, and Kankuro watched with the apprehension of someone who's watching an active, ticking time-bomb being disarmed.

When Gaara failed to speak, Malfoy continued. "I mean, it's bad enough he _looks_ like a freak, but the way he talks-"

In an instant, Gaara's wand was out and pointed at Malfoy's head.

"Shut up."

"Gaara-"

"Don't you _dare_ talk about him like that. He's twice the person you'll ever be." Malfoy's lip curled back in a sneer, his wand out now as well.

"Funny, I thought that Akimichi loser was twice the person I'd ever be- He looks like he scarfs down a couple of people every day after all-"

**_BANG!_**

Malfoy went flying back, an angry red scorch mark across the side of his face. After one shocked moment, one moment more of looking into Gaara's expressionless face, his own contorted in rage and he jumped back up, wand raised. At this point, it should be noted that Goyle and Crabbe were watching the scene, motionless. But when Kankuro saw Malfoy raise his wand, he shoved Gaara back part of the way, whipping out his own wand as-

"Enough!"

Uh-oh. Trouble.

And trouble came in the form of their Head of House, Snape, skulking down the hallway like a malevolent bat. "Wands away, Sabaku- Malfoy- Cast another spell in my presence and I'll have you in front of the Headmaster." Malfoy's eyes burned with rage, but he reluctantly pocketed his wand. Gaara and Kankuro did likewise.

"They started it!" Malfoy snapped.

"The hell we did you pompous little-"

"_Enough_." Kankuro shut his mouth. "Detention, Sabaku."

"Which of us?"

"I have it in mind to give it to you both. But as your brother is really the only one who attacked, I'm afraid only he can serve it."

This was certainly a strange scenario. Had Snape come upon members of the other houses fighting Malfoy and his gang, all involved parties of the opposing house would have been summarily keelhauled. It was a rare occasion indeed when he was forced to punish members of his own house- particularly for such a thing as attacking one another.

Gaara's eyes burned green fire, but his expression remained otherwise stoic.

"I can live with that." The look he shot at Malfoy from the corner of his gaze made the blonde, to Gaara's immense pleasure, shudder and scramble back. Snape's considerably watered-down glare had no effect on the one-time mass-murderer.

"I will warn you now," He said softly, waspishly, "I am not accustomed to dealing detentions to my own House, boys. Do _not_ make a habit of this." His eyes flipped to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle. "Go on. Leave. All of you. Your detention is at seven o' clock, Sabaku. Don't be late."

He stalked off.

Kankuro let out a low breath as Malfoy and his cronies stumbled away.

"You're insane," He hissed at his little brother. "And now you've landed yourself in detention." Gaara gave a slow shrug.

"It was worth it. You can't deny you enjoyed the look on Malfoy's face." Kankuro smirked.

"Heh. All right, you got me. But what are you going to do when Temari finds out?"


End file.
